Democratic Sentinel, Volume 8, Number 19, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 6 June 1884 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

TOurt happy day* to farm-Hfe spent] We didn't mind the weather. Bat yoked the wildest steers we had, And tied their tails together. —Newman Independent. An lowa family has a cradle rocked by wind-power. It is unnecessary to add that the children are ready-made Congressmen.— Paris Beacon. , “Oh, yes, it was a horrible situation ! My husband had disappeared for two years and I did not know whether he was living or dead.” “It was, really, horrible!” “dust think, it was impossible for me to marry again!” A good old man up in Epping, N. H., went to prayer meeting the other night, and unwittingly fell asleep. He was called upon to offer prayer, and, being dutifully punched by his better half, bellowed out; “Goldam it, kindle it yourself.” London is building seven new hotels, each with 1,000 rooms. And there are some men so unlucky that if they went to the whole seven of them in the same day, they would be sailed off to the seventh floor and chucked into No. 999, three in a bed and two cots in the room. —Haw key e. Little Harold awoke very early one morning, quite to his mother’s disgust. “Oh, Harold,” she said, “do lie still and go to sleep again.” “Mamma,” called Harold, after some time vainly spent in endeavoring to do what she had bidden him, “I don’t like to go to sleep—l like to fall asleep. ” THREE NEGATIVES. Said I to Chrissle: “Kiss ma Chris," But with indignant emphasis Said she couldn’t. . ’Twas plain my method was remiss. So then I boldly stole a kiss — For wait I wouldn’t. That she did not taka amiss. And no complaint she made, but this, “Oh, Hal—you shouldn’t" —Texas Siftings. Mamma—“Now, Katy shall choose a wedding present herself to send to Cousin Abbie from all these little pieces of statuary. Which one will Katy choose? Some of *these figures of little girls?” Katy (in tears) —“I sha’n’t have any of ’em. There isn’t a single one that has tucks in her skirt. ” Together they were looking over the paper. “Ob, my, how funny!” said she. “What is it?” he asked. “Why, 'here’s an advertisement that says, ‘No reasonable offer refused.’ ” “What’s so odd about that?” “Nothing,” she replied, trying to blush, “only those are my sentiments,” It might be supposed that young men, in seeking an education, would prefer Michigan University over all other institutions of learning, because it has an Angell for a President; but, all the same, Yale College has the preference. The latter has a Professor Beers, and too many students think that beer’s more elevating than angels.—Noi'ristown Herald. A Buffalo janitor kicked a can of nitro-glycerine, and right then, for the first time in his life, became a really active man, inaugurating proceedings by turning a double somersault and knocking out a hodful of mortar and brick with the back of his head at one end of the room. He continued the performance by kicking down the stove, pulling down the chandelier, and plowing up the plaster with his nose. When the nitro-glycerine let the old man sit down and take a rest he looked mournfully at the remnants the fragment of tin that once held the chain lightning, and said to the doctor: “Wal, if that ain’t the quickest-temperedest stuff 1 ever saiw.”— PhiladelpAia Republican.