Democratic Sentinel, Volume 8, Number 14, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 2 May 1884 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

A medical writer says that girls are so constructed that they cannot jump. Just make one of them an offer of marriage and see. A band of Italians brigands captured a duke recently and held him for thirty days. Any American heiress can do that, and hold him longer. A lady and gentleman accidentally touched each other’s feet under the table. “Secret telegraphy,” said he. “Communion of soles,” said she. A beady-made rejoinder: He — “ You made a fool of me when I married you ma’am.” She —“Lor! you always told me you were a self-made man!” Some one interrogated little Georgie in regard, to his sister’s betrothed. “How old is he?” “I don’t know ?” “Is he young?” “Yes -he has no hair yet.” A Baltimoke man killed himself because his wife would not support him. It heats thunder how lazy Borne women are getting to be nowadays. — Newman Independent. “No, love,” he said, “I cannot afford to take you sleighing, but I’ll do the next best thing. Come down to the store any day and I’ll let you see me shoot a rat.” A Newman man is trying to out-talk his mother-in-law. At last accounts the young man had talked his head off, and his left year was still working up and down. — Newman Independent. “How do you extract the cube root ?* asked the school teacher of the son of a dentist, who had been assisting his father. “Extract the cube root ? Just trot out your cubic tooth, and I’ll extract the root in three shakes of a sheep’s tail.”— Texas Siftings. “I am choost as full ash a bag of flour, ” remarked an inebriate to a sober friend. “There is a difference between you and a sack of flour, however.” “Whas ish difference?” “When a sack is full it can stand up, but when you are lull you can’t even lie down on the ground without holding on.”--Texas Siftings. Hostess (to gentleman her husband has brought home to dinnor)- -How well you speak English, Mr. .” Mr. (not understanding)—“Yes, I ought to.” Hostess—“ But you speak it remarkably well.” Mr. , I ought I have lived here all my life. In faot, I was born in New York.” Hostess—“ Why, how strange! lam sure my husband told me you were a Bohemian.”— New York Life. A medical journal states that the average Chinese baby weighs but five pounds. The journal did not state whether the Chinese baby’s capacity for squalling was less, in proportion to weight, than that of any other baby, but if they howl in the Chinese language as loud as the Amerioan kid does in the United States language, how the poor mother must suffer. If any one has ever heard two Chinamen holding a convention in their native tongue, they can readily see that a child who is just learning to lisp a few syllables in the Chinese language would make homo howl.— Peck’s Sun. Mbs. MuLCAHy—Good marnin’. Mrs. O’Hollihan—Good marnin’, Mrs. Mulcahy. Mrs. Mulcahy—An’ how’s the ould man, Mrs. O’Hollihan? Mrs. O’Hollihan —Och, purtvwell, thankee, Mrs. Mulcahy, but dhrunk agin.last night though. Mrs. Mulcahy—Och, dear, dear, the poor man! Mrs. O’Hollihan—Did you hear the news about the increase in Mrs. McCarthy’s family, Mrs. Mulcahy ? Mrs. Mulcahy—Oi did not. Was it a bye or agurrul? Mrs. O’Hollihan—’Twaz nayther. Mrs. Mulcahy—Nayther? Mrs. O’Hollihan. ■—Nayther, ’twuz twins. Mrs. Mulcahy Wull, wull, wull. San Francisco Post SECBET sobrow. , Why does he wear it? EmWeni of woe! For whom does he bear it? Is some one laid low? Say, was it a mother That, crossed the deep sea? His mother that nursed him In youth on her knee? Or was it a father Decrepit and old? . Or a golden-haired rosebud He laid in the mold? 1 Perhaps ’twas a brother! i la boyhood, may be. They frolicked together. His brother and he. Or was it his partner Who fell by his side? Now none to console him. No heart to confide. Say, why does he wear The black band, O, for what? He wears it to cover The grease on his hat. —Texas Siftings.