Democratic Sentinel, Volume 8, Number 7, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 14 March 1884 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

The dark corse—a dead darky. , An old gentleman who got tripped up while trying to crow the ball-room remarked, os he slowly crawled to a perpendicular, that it was always pleasant to be thrown in the company oi young people. “Abe you near-sighted, miss?” said an impatient fellow to a young lady who aid not choose to recognize him. “Yes,” she retorted; “at this distance I can hardly .tell whether you are an ape ora puppy.” “Abe you to take astronomy next term, Elsie?” inquired a classmate of her young friend. “Hardly. But Augustus is giving me splendid astronomical lessons during the vacation.” “Isn’t that nice! Has he text-books and an atlas?” “Oh, Louise, my dear, he says I’m all the world to him, and when I lean my head on his shoulder he is my Atlas. ” “I thought,” said the senior Boggles, as he produced a suspicious-looking flat bottle from his son’s valise, “that there was nothing but your surgical instruments in this bag. “That’s what I said, dad.” “Then, sir, what do you call this?” “That? Oh, that’s my eyeopener, dad; very useful instrument, very useful; indispensable, I assure you.” A boy was sent to milk the Cow, and after he had been gone something over two hours his father started out to look him up. He found him sitting patiently on a three-legged stool in the corner of a ten-acre lot. “What the mischief are you sitting therefor?” demanded the irate father. “Why don’t you do your work and get back to the house ?” “Because,” answered the boy, “the teacher said to-day that all things come to him who waits, and I am waiting for the cow. ”

“Ought not to laugh at my own jokes!” exclaimed Poots, whose wife had just ventured to give him that j piece of advice; “I’d like to know why: not ? Who knows as well when to • laugh as the man that makes the joke, I I’d like to know?” “That’s so,” resumed ! Mrs. P.; “I didift think of that, and, ! come to think of it, I don’t suppose : anybody would know anything about your jokes if you didn’t start ’em off with a laugh.” Then Poots, man-like, got mad and went down town with his hat on wrong end foremost.—Cincinnati Saturday Night. Unsuccessful American—l don’t see what is to become of me; I have not 1 a dollar left, friend —Have you tried I lecturing? U. A.—Yes, and nobody came. F.—You paint well? U. A.— Nobody will buy my pictures. F.—You are also a remarkably fine actor? U. A.—l can’t get any engagement. F. —Then, why don’t you return to your first love? U. A.—The magazines decline anything I take them now. F.— Ah 11 see what the trouble is and how to overcome it. U. A.—Well, tell me, for I am becoming hopeless. F.—You must trade the clothes you have on for a second-hand English suit, and learn to drop your h’s.—Philadelphia Call.