Democratic Sentinel, Volume 7, Number 52, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 25 January 1884 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

[From the Norristown Herald.; A young odored man of Illinois is said to have made a fortune of $150,000 within a year. We suspect he served a few months as porter on a Pullman palace %ar. An exchange says “saw-dust is now used medically.” Saw-dust has been long used to fatten “calves,” and no doubt it possesses many other virtues not yet discovered. A “society” item says: “Very few ladies play upon the banjo.** And after hearing one of them play npon the instrument, we deeply regret that the number is not 100 per cent. less. The newspaper foreman got a marriage notice among a lot of items headed “Horrors of the Year,” and when the editor learned that the groom’s income was only $7 a week, he said it had better remain under that head. A New Yoek woman poured soap suds in her husband's boots, broke his pipe, pawned his watch, and raised a lump on his head with a poker, withoutr cansing him to invoke the assistance of the law. But when she pared her corns with his best razor he went right off and applied for a divorce. He said the line must be drawn somewhere. A London paper says: “The Princess of Wales has won two millinery victories this year.” We suspect she asked her husband for £lO for a new poke bonnet, gorgeously trimmed, and £6 for a sealskin turban, with a feather a yard long, and he had to fork over the cash—though where he got the money is a mystery. A passenger car jumped the track and rolled down a steep embankment. Several persons were dangerously injured, and one man was found wedged between two seats, with two ribs broken, and sound asleep 1 A copy of the London Times containing an editorial three columns in length was clutched in his right hand. A magazine writer says that “women with a puspose, women in earnest, have a noticeable look of charm.” That depends. If a young woman has a “purpese” to say “yes” when her young man proposes, and is in “earnest” about it, she has more charm, in his eyes, than at any other period in her life. Nejv York papers are agitating for cheaper funerals. Rich people may get along without expensive funerals; but when a burglar is killed by. a fellow rough, or a prize-fighter is fatally knocked out, the friends of the late lamented are bound to have a big funeral if they have to pawn every article belonging to the widow and assess- every saloonkeeper in the district. “Does Science Destroy Love of Nature?” asks a scientific magazine. It does. Oiice upon a time a scientist invented a flying machine, after his first trial not only his love of nature but his love of art . also was destroyed. A fall of sixty-six feet, from the roof of a building, in the interest of science, is apt to destroy anybody’s love of nature. [From the Booster.} A cardinal virtue—a papal indulgence. There are more swells on the sea than there are on the shofee. No lawyer but a vpry green one would “take the will for the deed.” A female corn doctor in Cleveland is called “Divinity,” because she “shapes our ends. ” The latest -wrinkle m fashion is for ladies to go with walking-sticks. Dudes are walking sticks. A mark of birth —the Busman's pug nose. A mark of breeding—the Englishman’s pug dog. Violinists should be considered very prudent men. They usually have four strings to their bow. The Indiamapolis Journal ha» a colored reporter on its staff. You may have noticed that some- ®f the news has been highly colored. A man may “smile and smile andi be unwilling still,” but the chances are that he will “smile” and “smile” mtil he becomes obstreperously noisy. A New Jersey maa named a boy baby Oscar Wilde. When that- boy grows up and realizes* the full purport of the thing we may expect to hear of a case of “justifiable patricide” in that State. An article* in an exchange is beaded, “How to Preserve Pianos.” We didn’t have time to read it,, but we feel; constrained! to caution our readers to. keep the prasorvi <1 pianos on the top. shelf ont of the reach of tire children.. They are too.niclk