Democratic Sentinel, Volume 7, Number 52, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 25 January 1884 — THE BAD BOY. [ARTICLE]

THE BAD BOY.

“Wish you a happy New Year, and I ■will take it in oranges,” said the bad hoy as he smiled on the groceryman, and began filling his pockets with the luscious tropical fruit. “Just you hold on,” said the grocervman, as he stopped the boy from taking any more. “Here’s a herring. When anybody wishes another a happy New Year he should allow the victim the privilege es selecting the weapons, as they do in a duel. Now, oranges are liable to give you the winter cholera, -and if they did, I would be liable for damages; but you take this smoked herring and eat it, and 1 will take the -chances,” and the groceryman unloaded the boy’s pockets and handed him the herring. “Dear me, what a free-hearted old lellow you are,” said the boy, as he took oft his mitten and began peeling the herring. “Here, you’d better take back the head and skin of this herring and give me a cracker, and then I will tell you what a brave man pa is.” “Tell me - about your pa. I haven’t heard anything from him for a long time,” said the groceryman as he handed the boy the cracker, and -at down on a half-bushel measure by the stove. “Well, you see, last night we got to talking about haunted houses, and pa said there was no such- thing as a haunted house. He said whenever any unusual noise was heard in a house, instead of investigating it, people got scared and went around talking about the house being haunted, and before long everybody believed it, the reputation of the house was ruined, and everybody was nervous. Pa said that haunted houses was on a par with spiritualism, find people of sense never took any stock in either. He said if I ever heard of a haunted house, to let him know and he would go through it and investigate it in the dark. 1 thought to myself, ‘boss, you can’t fool Hennery!’ and 1 laid for pa. That evening my chum’s •cat came over to visit our cat, and when it was time to *go to bed the two cats were sleeping by the stove, and pa told me I better put the cats outdoors and go to bed. So I took the cats up carefully and raised up the cover to the piano, and laid the cats down in the back side of the instrument, among the strings, and petted them, and' they went to sleep 1 and I shut down the cover, and we all went to bed. Pa and ma sleep right over the parlor, and I sleep at the back of the house. Along about 2 o’clock in the morning, about the time cats usually get woke up and begin to prawl around, there was a faint scratching of toe-nails on the strings,and a yowl that sounded as though it came from the sewer. It was evidently music, such as you get at boarding-houses where a boarder practices on the piano for her board. I listened, and pretty soon there was two ‘rneous’ and a ‘spit,’ and the strings acted as though they were being walked on the way a cat does when she puts her paws up in your, lap and lets her toe-nails go through y6ur pants; I got il£ and went to pa’s room, and ma was setting up in bed with her nightcap oft’, her hair standing right up straight, and she was trying to get pa to raise up and listen, but it wasn’t pa’s night to listen, and he put his head under the bedclothes and tried to snore, bat I knew pa was scared. I told pa that I wasn’t afraid, but I wished he would let me sleep on the lounge in his room, and pa raised up and wanted to know what the row was, and just then the cats in the piano seemed to have come together for their regular evening fight, and of all the music you ever heard, that beat everything. Pa listened and said it was somebody next door trying to play opera, but ma said something was in the house, and told pa the house was haunted, and for him to get up and investigate. Pa was kind of ’shamed to be afraid, so he got up, and all was still, and he got his pants on and went out in the hall, and just then the cats got to fighting another round, and pa rushed into the bath-room and closed the door, and yelled for me to open the window and holler for the police. I got up and asked pa, through the door, if he was afraid, and he said no, he wasn’t afraid, but he thought, seeing he was in the bathroom, he would take a bath, and I told him if he was afraid I would go down and investigate, because there was no haunted house that had any terror for Hennery, and I went down and let the cats out, and they got on the back fence, and had a real sociable time, and after it was all still, pa came out with a towel in his hand and tried to make us believe be had taken a bath at 2 o’clock in the morning with cold water. I don’t think it is right for a father to try to deceive his little boy in that way. Pa must have washed himself real hard, for he was pale as a ghost when he came out of the bathroom, but he was paler still in the morning, when he found the piano full of cat hair. He thinks the air from the register blew into the piano. But lam sorry for pa, as he has had trouble enough trying to keep from failing, but he had to go to the wall.” “What! You don’t tell me your father has failed?” said the groceryn>an, as he took down the ledger. “Great heavens! he owes me seven dollars,” and the man groaned. “Yes, pa says that is the only way he can make a dollar. I don’t know anything about the business of failing, but as near as I can get at it, by hearing pa and his attorney talk about it, there is money in it if it is worked right, and if I was in your place I would work an annual failure department into my business. The way to fail is to get credit for all yon can, and sell for cash, and when you sell the best tilings, have somebody that you owe, a relative, or a fellow that you got confidence in, get on his ear and get out an attachment and close you up, or else make an assignment to qfcfellow that stands in with you, and let him offer the creditors 10 cents on a dollar in notes, payable in six, twelve, and eighteen months. By the time six months are up, you can buy the first note for 50 cents on a dollar, and you can fail again before the other note comes due. Pa says there is more money in it than in running a bank, and he is awful anxious to have the thing fixed up in time for him and ma to go to Florida fcr the winter, so they can get back in time to go

to Saratoga next summer. I asked pa if it was honest to iail, when ma had property enough in her name to pay all debts and have plenty left, and pa said he and ma was two different persons. Gosh, I . thought a man and his wife were one. Weil, a fellow learns something every day, don’t he? Say, yon would be a total failure on general principles, and if I was in your place I would have some style about me and bust. You can never amount to anything going along the way you do, and never getting ahead any. Let me tell pa’s lawyer that I can get him a job putting you through bankruptcy, on shares. ” “No, sir, never,” said the groceryman. “I have always paid a hundred cents on the dollar, and I always will. It is true I cannot put on much style,, not as much as some I know who have failed, but I can look everybody in the face and—but, say, Hennery, you might tell your pa’s lawyer to come in here this afternoon, and I will have a talk with him. If failing is going to be the style, and a man isn’t going to amount to anything unless he has failed, and there is money in it, and your pay says it is honest and all right, I might conclude to fail once for luck, but keep it dark, ” and the groceryman began to look about the store at the old back number washboards, and wormy dried peaches, and things that were not salable, and wondered if it wouldn’t be a good idea to fail and get rid of the old stock and buy a new one on trust, while Hennery went out to break the news jto his pa’s lawyer that he had got another job for him. — Peek’s Sun.