Democratic Sentinel, Volume 7, Number 52, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 25 January 1884 — Page 6

THE ECONOMICAL DINNER PARTY. BT E. V. BULK*. A wily CroSodUe, Who (iwat upon the Nile, Bethougut himself one d*y to give a dinner. “Economy," said he, *ls chicr'Oi all with me. And shall considered be—as I'm a sinner.” With paper, pen, and ink. He .sat him aown • o think. And. first of all, Sir Lio > he invited; .The northern Wolf, who dwells In rocky am.lc dells; The Leopard and the Lynx, by blood united. Then Mr. Pox, the shrewd— No lover he of good— And Madam Duck, with sober step and stately; And Mr. Frog, serene. In gnro of bottle green. Who warbled bass, and bore himself sedately. Sir Crocrodile, content, Tue invitations sent; The day was come—his guests were all assembled; They fancied that some guile Lurked in his ample smile; Each on the other looked, and somewhat trembled. A lengthy time they wait; Their hunger waxes great. And still the host in conversation dallies; At last, the table's laid, With covered dishes spread. And cut, in haste, the hungry party sallies. But when —the covers raised— On empty plates they gazed. Each on the other looked with dire intention; Ma'am Duck sat last of all, And Mr. Frog was small. She sott-.y swallowed him, and made no mention. This Mr. Fox perceives, And saying: "By your leaves, Some punishment is due for this transgression," He gobbled her in haste; Then, much to his distaste, By Mr. Lynx was taken In possession. The Wolf, without a pause— In spite of teeth and claws— Left nothing of ttiesynx to tell the story “ Th i Leop.trd, all irate At his relation’s fate. Made mince-meat of that wolfish monster hoary* The Lion raised his headlines I am King," he said, "It ill befits the King to lack his dinner'.” Then on the Leopard sprang With mighu of claw and fang. And ihade a meal npon that spotted sinner. Then saw in sudden fear Bir Crocodile draw near, And heard him speak, with feelings of distraction. “Sinceall of you have dined, Well suited to your mind. You surely cannot grudge me satisfaction.” And stoth, a deal of guile Lurked in his ample smile, And down his throat the roaring Lion hasted. “Economy, with me, Is chief of all,” said he, "And I am glad to see there’s nothing wasted.”

THE CRUISE OF THE JEMIMA.

Charlie, my young brother, had been fagging at his studies; I had just passed the It. O. S. E., and was proportionately elate.' We had earned our summer we thought; and nothing loth was I when Charlie, with a map in his hand, pointed out a spot on the Caithness coast and exclaimed: “Here we are! There we go! What say you, Frank ?” “Very good choice. Plenty of ozone, fishing, aijd boating; fa'sliioh at a discount. Wiiqreis time-tabled” Clanhead*-swaS quickly fixed upon: and after-, ffirtsuaf defi|«ts 'of raffiSy traveling, sve found ourselves ip a plaee richly endowed by gatqre, but minus an inn. , a co^^^^^aiisw^^afeeitfcei; a nightf»jr«tf ap4 a* hearty fish breakfast, ■ weMlrofted-offtoward tlie sea-/* In street of <ofaflhead were yellow-haired ’children who stood in wfde-jytd,' ifinocent wohttdf' and stored at us. Perhaps they were overcome by the sight of our hideous brown sand-shoes; or it might have been tliit' they were bewitched by Charlie’# li&fidsonie' face. Chti^&bihe Addiiis of our family; and I am an ugly young man with a marvelously wide mouth, eyesight sQ neaiulhat I. cannot pick up a sixiicipie wjttfcout the help of my glasses, and ap expression, to say the least of it, scared. Such as we were, we stood the lads’ and the lasses’ scrutiny unabashed, plodding on till we perceived a middleaged man leaning on a gate, in, I imagined, a dolce far niente condition. He turned, however, and moved toward us. “Will ye no’ be takin’ a sail the mornin’, gentlemen?” “just what we want," cried Charlie. “Aweel, tak ye the first turn to the reet, an’ it’ll bring ye to the head o’ the cliff. Some ,way bock ye’ll see the openin’ to a ravine. Gang awa’ through the gap, an’ ye’ll soon be where the sea washes the cliff foot. Be ye canny, for the tide’s high the noo, and the shallowest water there may droun ye. In five minutes I’ll be cornin’ roond wi’ my boat an’ my mate at your service.” The boatman touched his cap and moved off; we made for the ravine, .passed down it, and came suddenly upon the most magnificent expanse of rolling water that our eyes had ever feasted upon. Shortly from, I suppose, some sheltering nook under the cliff, came along our little craft the Jemima, with her mainsail spread and her master at the helm, while Donald, his mate, kept watch at the how. With a “Yo hoy! Steady! Yohoy!” she was “brought to," and in scrambled we, neck or nothing. We were scarcely seated before, emerging from the ravine, toiling on with the help of a crutch over the loose earth and bowlders, came a girl with a sweet but very sad face.- Evidently she was suffering in mind and body. “Ecli, Hinny! Hinny!” said our boatman, with a softened intonation. “Ye shouldna act sae, my dear! When gentlemen hire the Jemima they dinna etfjtect to tak her master’s family ftboord. Gang awa hame again, Manfiie.” “Oh, bv all means, take your friend aboard, Mr ” “Ben is my name, sir, an’ I thank ye lor your kindness. Come, then, bairn! an* look ye, dinna trust to your crutch When ye step aboord. Should the boat luff', it m-iy slip i'rae under ye. Let me lay it doon at the stern, an’ gie me your bond. Now, steady, an’ in ye are.” Ben gu ded the boat off, then turned to the girl again. “Eh, mv bairnie, not sae miokle as a speck o’ head gear 1 an’ they bits o’ fal-lal clothing tlyin* aboot re. Ye’ll catch your death! ye maun nae my jacket on. Mebbe, sir, ye’ll be s’• kind os to liaud the tiller

whiles I dress her oop ? There, now, Mamie, are ye no warmly buskit ?” Off we were before the wind, oar swelling mainsail hiding the man at the bow. The grand sea and sky threw Charlie and myself into ecstasies; Ben. used to such scenes, was quiet, and, I thought, sad, while the lassie looked decidedly sleepy. “Eh,* my doo,” said Ben, “ye were oop wi’ the birds; I marked ye wendin’ your way to the cliff by the first glint o’ the sun. Ye’s liken to a wraith, my dearie! Ye’s aye wanderin’. Aweel, lay doun your head a while on my shoulder, and be takin’ a wee bit nap the noo.” With liis disengaged arm Ben supported the frail little body, and soon his charge was dozing as restfully as any weary child. As she slept I espied a wedding-ring on her finger; and even in repose her face told a tale of mental and bodily suffering; Some heavy calamity, I thought, must have fallen upon her. Her childlike confidence in Ben and his tenderness toward her were pathetic; and, altogether, my sympathy was won. Presently I ventured to ask if she were not an invalid; and returned Ben, “00, yes, sir; an’ she is my only balm. Pretty doo! She marriedower early. An’ a week after, Tam, her husband, sailed forth wi’ his crew for the fishin’. Three months liae passed sin’ the wofu’ day, but nae word can we get o’ boat or men.” “Then you think the vessel ” “Went doun, sir, is what ye mean ? There is nae doot about it; for, miles awa along the coast, a piece of her sail was washed ashore. But ipy lamb knowsna that; an’ sae, i’stead o’ puttin’ on widow’s weeds, fche aye says wa’s bound to find him; dn’ she watches the sea, an’ questions every fishermon she meets, till it’s just pitifu’ to hear her. ” “She is nearly*distrauglit, ” thought I. Then I gave Ben a warning note regarding the imperative need of trying to divert her mind from her trouble. Also I pfoffeired a word of Advice about her lameness, which, it appeared, rose from some recent injury done to the muscles, and which, I gathered, had been treated in anything but a scientific maner, Ben was delighted to find that I was a doctor, and, mast grateful for my interest in him. Indeed, he was so earnest in pouring out his thanks when I volunteered to take Mamie’s case in hand while I was at Clanhead, that the man at the bow (as he afterward owned) became an absorbed and sympathetic listener; for Mamie and he had been*' playmates, and he felt rather-dowrr hearted, Ben told imk when Tam efcrDeep i^nn|^ v sti(l entirely free' limn upprOftß^^^^.A^uilded under our* Jeefevc r v where! A swift glance at the mainsail, a wrench at the "tiller, and a tremendous shpqt from Ben —■*- ... . g j “flow, these,« bter! * Are ye ‘nioi&’\ . I pi Ij V • The v arm mj*w|#Ho» ikte. A&ar£] vessel wafedoYro upon us; our inamlmj ' was pierced through, by hey pur timbers were f|jfi%rsßg under ler bows. I beai& shouting-H)n the df*uk above us; I saw a man leap from the vessel’s side; I saw Mamie wake up in an agony of terror, and throw her arms round her father’s nock; I heard Ben say, “Nae, dinna climber me, but strike ye cot an’ trust. ” I knew we were all in the water, for I saw Ben supporting his child a.s he swain vigorously toward the man who had leaped over. I say Charlie going down (neither he nor I was a swimmer); I clutched at him fruitlessly; then came confused cries df, “Keep your heads up!” “Here’s a lifebelt;” “Catch this rope!” and so on. But soon the voices sounded far away and indistinguishable. I knew that salt water was in my nostrils and mouth; there was singing in my ears, roaring in my head; I felt a mad impulse to rise; I did rise; again for a moment only, I heard eager voices near me, and caught a glimpse of the efforts that were being made to save us. In on agony I made an effort to keep up; it was futile. Then hiss! hiss! swish! through my very brain; after that, darkness, dense darkness! a clear consciousness that the hand of death was on me, a cry from my inmost soul to heaven, and—a stranj3fe, deep calm. * * * * * The shn was going down in a flood of crimson glory. I lay npon a wellswabbed deck all alone. Where had I

been? Where was I going? What had happened ? I pinched myself and felt the pain, so I was still in the flesh. I tried my voice, “Hi! liilloa! somebody!” No one caiiie. I sat up and took a speculative survey. The vessel was taut and trim, and she smelled of timber, but she was not of British build. As I cogitated—father weakly, I must own—a footstep sounded on the deck, and along came a good-natured-looking seaman, fair and blue-eyed; he made his way to me and looked smilingly down. “What ship is this?” queried L A shake of the head. “Are you a German ?” Two shakes of the head. “Speak, man, in some, tongue or ether, will you ?” The word “speak” he understood, and obeyed with energy. But no word of any language could I pick out from his strange jabber. i Feeling, no doubt, that my understanding wanted arousing, he went away and shortly returned with six othjer men; some strong, fair, and blue-eyed, like himself, the' rest shorter, darker, but powerfully built, and all chattering the most unintelligible jargoi 4s they bent their energies to make me understand something or other, I tri4d hard to discover their nationalities, for'certainly they were not all of one nation, when —happy thought—came flitting through my brain the words: And then the bine-eyed Norseman told A saga or the days of old. “You are from Norway,” bawled I. “And you,” to the darker men, “you are Swedes. Am I right?” “fla! Norroway! Norge! Norge! Ha! ha! Norrike! Ha! ha!” The words were taken up like a re-

frain with boisterous satisfaction. Had I only raised my eyes to the vessel'*flag, I might have seen at first that she was called the Jarl Hakon. Bat just then my wits were scattered. They began, however, to disentangle themJ selves, and thoughts of Charlie, Ben, j and the rest crowded upon me. Where were they? Where was the lame girl, and where the Jemima? It was useless to question, so I rose np and with rather unsteady step walked across the deck and found my way to the Captain’s cabin. On one side lay Ben, with pain in every line of his face; in the Captain’s berth, looking absolutely dead, was Mamie; stretched out on a rug lay my brother. He, however, managed to moan out “Bravo!” when lie saw me. I went to the girl’s side and felt, her pulse. Then, “Where’s the Captain?” said I to Ben’s careless mate, Donald, who was standing close by, the picture of helpless distress. “Here,” came a ready answer from a mellow voice behind me. I turned. There stood a portly, gray-headed man, with a trustworthy face. He spoke English; *this was worth something just then. “Have you a wife—a lady on board, sir, who will carry out my instructions respecting this patient ?” “Are you then a physician ?” . “I am a member of the College of Surgeons, and am anxious to do my best in this emergency.” “I am heartily glad, sir. A lady—no; there is not one on board. But there is a man who would lay down his life for this child. He is burly, but docile; let him be her nurse.” “Oh, her father? But he is in sorry plight himself. I fear I shall find some broken bones when I have time to look at him.” “No, not her father—her husband.” I glanced at Ben. - “I knaw,” said he; “there’s a reet bright siller linin’ to oor clood, thank God.” “Bring him in,” quoth I. He came, p youttg fellow liaviftg 6 splendid physique and six feet two ol height, Jdie very man who had leaped from thb side of the Jarl Hakon to our rescue. I staetehed out my arm in front of the berth as a warning or barrier. But Tam had tjaot and caution. He stood mutely looking, down on his ghostly young wife; trieri, in response to a touch on hisjhHn, he bept liis head to take mv orders. ' Ytthile Mamie remained unconscious he w to k£ep his post quietly, using Ahe prescribed remedies ; the mbment 'She showed signs of consciousness he •was to vanish. I turned to Ben, who I found had a btokeff arm. “Splints,” said I to Charlie, who was on his feet by this tim^. 1 '” “Go to the Captaih for' thin ,to shape it, also linen |or bandages*—a sheet will do. Now. Ben, ydu are a Briton, I know; will you trust me to set that bone?” “Trust ye? Ay, sir; I ne’er wince at isialike. I’d be poorly pft an’ jt werena i IThat business was got through, and I iM | had sc«r|ejy lettered -a moan Jrqmi first to last,’but cold perspiration stood on his forehead; and. I was just dispatching Ufcpnald for a strong dup of tea to*Ye*ive hhn when—a sadden knock on my arm. I turned sharply. “Beg pardon, sir,” whispered Tam, as his great bulk rolled and stumbled into a dark corner beyond me. % But Mamie’s eyes were wide open; the whiteness had gone from her face; her breath came thick and fast; she even tried to raise herself on her elbow. “Father! father! Ye’s fouu’ my Tam!” Quaking with fear lest the remedy should be worse than the disease, I motioned Tam out from his hidingplace. I saw the girl’s face flush violently; I saw her throw up her arms to clasp her husband’s neck; I saw the young giant turn white and weak with emotion; then away darted I, never halting till 1 reached the stern. Tyro as I was, I would rather have set half a dozen more bones than have stood out that meeting. The Captain was there, and very soon we got into conversation. Here is the substance of what he told me. The Jarl Hakon was doing a pine trade between Bergen and Aberdeen. On her last homeward voyage she had picked up Tam and another seaman, who were beating hopelessly about in a small boat, half dead with thirst and exhaustion. Tam’s fine frame had bat-

tied through, and he was working liis way back to Scotland; but his companion in peril had succumed and was laid in a Norwegian grave. * * * * * Mamie walked without her crutch before I left Clanhead; and Ben’s bon* was doing famously. I was in high: spirits at my success as surgeon on imy own account. I had gained friends, too, stanch and leal. Said Tam ad parting: “Ye’s gien me a bonny wife for a sickly one, an’ 11l ne’er thank ye enoo’, sir.” “All right, Tam; you saved my life when you leaped from the Jarl Hakon, yon know, so we’re more than quits. And look here, lad, if you ever want a friend, send to me.” “Sae I will, sir; and suld ye e’er need an act o’ reet willin’ an’ faithfu’ service ye’ll Send to me.” •That compact was an honest one, and it will stand.— Cassell’s Magazine.

No Fool Like, Etc.

“None, except those in costumes, cat enter,” said a masquerader to an old gentleman who was about to enter the ball-room. “Nonsense! I am too old to put or the fool’s cap and bells, ” exclaimed, the old man. “Isn’t that your wife, that young woman there in the light costume?” asked the first speaker. “Why, to be sure it is. * “Then you needn’t be afraid to pul on the cap and bells, for they will sis you admirably,” returned the'young man. —Texas Siftings. Here is a pebble which everybody ie flinging at everybody else: Some people give according to their means, qf& era according to their meanness.

An Eccentric Gun.

I was riding through the woods in Central Arkansas in a seemingly vain endeavor to find a road that wonld lead oae from the wilderness, when I suddenly came upon a small log house. I stopped and called to a man who stood □ear the door, “wiping out” a long rifle. He handed the gnn to a small boy who staggered under its weight and approached. “Mornin’, sah, mornin’,” he said, turning to drive away a dog that would have surrendered his hope of ever getting anything to eat merely for the pleasure of planting his ugly teeth in my leg. “I am looking for a road,” I said, after exchanging “how air yers” with the old fellow, “and would be greatly indebted for any assistance you might lend me.” He grinned mercilessly, I thought, and replied; “Whar’re yer frum?” I told him, how truthfully it makes no difference, and repeated my inquiry concerning the road. “Stranger, did yer fetch a road with yers?” I confessed that I did not. “Wall, then, I don’t know o’ nun in this here neighborhood.” “You don’t mean to say that you have no roads ?” “That’s what I mean.” “How do you get along?” “Through the woods.” “How do you haul your wood!” “Don’t haul none. Chop down trees an’ tote the wood in. When the trees gets scace, we move.” “Can you tell me how far it is to the aext house?” “Stranger, you kaint find the next house.” “Why?” “Because it ain't thar. Sav, thar, Dick,” turning to his son. “Yas, pap.” “Don’t drap that gun. It mout go off an’ shoot the stranger. ” “It might also shoot you,” I suggested. “No, it never shoots home fokes, but it does hanker powerful airter strangers. Felt mighty sorry fur one o’ these here Gover’ment whisky hunters tuther day. He cum er bangin’ roun’ here, jes like yer air doin’, an’ I was mighty afeerd that ole Sal —that’s the gun’s name—would get ter cuttin’ up, an’ blame es she didn’t flop over airter a while an’ shoot the feller through the leg spite .o’ everything I could do. Shot him, sah, even airter my wife had reasoned with her, an’ my wife’s a reasoner 1 , lemme tell yer. Say, fiiar, Dick.” “Yas, pap.” “Do ote Sal look sorter ashy?” “Yas, pap,” “Stranger, I don’t wanter hurry you off, fur if thur’s a man ia thecurmunity what likes comp’ny it’s me; hut, es I was in yer place, dinged es I didn’t ride.” “I don’t know which way to ride. ” “Better ride straddle, I reckin.” “I meah I don’t know where to go.” “Go er way! Sav, thar, Dick!” “Yaswpap.” **• “la Sal gittiu’ hard ter hold ?” “Yas, pap.” * > f * “Stranger, I swm that yer’d better hussle, fur when Sal gets crossways, an’ ashy, an’ hard ter hold, thar’s gwine ter be trouble.” “My friend, you mistake me for a deputy marshal, when, in fact” (cowardly ruse, but my only hope) “I am a wildcat distiller and am running from the officials. I live over here on the creek, and when I left home the neighborhood was full of deputy marshals. ” “Git right down an’ come in,” he said. “Say, thar, Dick.” “Yas, pap.” “Is Sal ashy?” “No, pap.” “Is she hard ter hold ?” “No, pap.” “Wall, lean her agin the tree an’ take this hoss and gin him snthin’ ter eat. Go erway, Lize,” addressing the dog, “this ain’t no whisky hunter,” The animal seemed to understand at once, and without bestowing another sneaking glance on me, he walked away and laid down with a satisfied air. “Jes come in. Colonel, said the old fellow; “too lake ter get ©uten this curnuunity ter night. I’ll show yer the way in the mawnin. MolL.” turning to his wife. “Yas, pap.” “Jug handy ?” “Yas, pap.”’ “Wall, pass her ter the* stranger. ” Opie P. Bead-

Some Noted Sayings.

A letter to. an English paper from the grandson of me of Nelson’s aids at the battle of Trafalgar, give* the true origin of his famous order to his squadron. The Admiral gave the order to telegraph to the whole fleet, “Nelson expects every man to do-2ms duty to-day.” It was found that the word “Nelson” would require six sets of flags to be; displayed in success!®®. Time passed. A Lieut. Browne* looking ever the code-book, found thafc “England” could be sent up with but one flag;, and suggested that the order should run, “England expects every man to- do his duty ;* to which Nelson heartily consented. Hence the el©r quent touch which thrilled all Britain to the heart, was due to a deficiency in the signal-code. Many of the finest sayings recorded of great *nen owe their origin to accident. Goejhe’h dying words, “Morelight !” are said only to have referred’ tothe opening of a window?, and not to any prophetic dawn in the world of German thought. Webster’s triumphant “I still live!” in the light of cold fact, appears, to have been spoken in consequence of the physician’s order to “give him the medicine at a oertain hour, if be still lived.” It was with a gesture toward the cup that. Webster used the words so long misunderstood and memorable as Ms last. Another sentence which beiame the rallying cry for defenders of the Union during the civil war originated in a joke. In 1832 the followers of Calhoun, incensed at the public demonstrations on Washington’s birthday, issued invitations for a state banquet on the birthiday of Jefferson, Gen. Andrew Jackson, on opening

his invitation, dryly remarked that the meeting apparently was intended to celebrate not the memory of Jefferson, but the glory of Calhoun and his pel hobby of nullification. “I’d like,” ht added, chuckling, “to send a broadside into him.” After a moment’s thought, laying down his pipe, he wrote a cou - teous note of refusal, and begged leave, according to custom, to send a toast It was, “The Federal Union. It must and shall be preserved.” The toast Having been sent by the President, could not be ignored. It was read, and the shonts of applause with which it was received, and ol laughter from those who appreciated the President’s grim joke, fixed it in the memory of the public, by whom it was made a household word," until the civil war gave it new and terrible significance.—Youth's Companion.

Artemus Ward’s Boyhood.

Artemus’ father died when the boy was about 15 years old, and, as .the family circumstances were somewhat limited thereby, he was apprenticed to Mr. J. M. Rix, who published the Coos Democrat, at Lancaster, N. H. The stage line to Lancaster ran by the Brown homestead, and the drivers were not unfamiliar with the ability of the future “genial showman” in the way of practical jokes. They knew how he organized shows, wherein his father’s red cow, with a coat sleeve stuffed full‘of hay hanging from her nose, served as the elephant, upon which innocent country youth were invited to ride, with startling results. They knew, too, how old Deacon Hale’s white horse had been induced to wander away for miles following a tempting bit of hay, hung just beyond reach by means of a lath strapped to the horse’s neck. There was an endless series of pranks gotten up by the boy to mystify the villagers in general and his mother in particular, and all these were well known to the Btage drivers. So when the young humorist started for Lancaster, eager to know as much as possible about his future residence, the veteran driver, Steve Seary, having previously conspired with the boys in Fix’s office to give young Brown * a fitting reception, assured him that Mr. Rix was a pious man, and that his hands were, if anything, more pious than he, and that the sooner the would-be apprentice crammed on the catechism the better. Charles listened dolefully. It was late at night when the stage reached Lancaster, and in the morning young Brown hied himself to the office. The “force” consisted of a journeyman and an apprentice named Smith. They received him solemnly. The journeyman handed him a Bible and made him read a chapter, after winch he was examined on the catechism. His ignorance was commented on, but he was permitted to go to work. At noon a similar performance was enacted, while an intense .gloom rested on the office during the day. The next morning Charles went to the office resolved to run away at the end of the tve&k, but, on looking about, failed to find his fellow-craftsmen. Further search revealed them under the garret stairs too intoxicated, to walk. Young Brown was so angry over the sell that he wrote a note to the driver threatening vengeance, which was never carried out. Brown’s fame as a humorist was a surprise to all who knew him, and even to himself. A greater surprise to his kinfolk now is the interest still manifested in the dead merry-maker and his work. They thought that all attention would cease with his life, but every year the number of people who visit Waterford to see his mother—now almost 80 years old—increases.— Waterford (Me.) Cor. New York Sun .

The Population of China.

Many persons entertain doubts of the accuracy of the figures for the population of China. Four hundred and fifty millions seems an incredible number. A correspondent of the Cincinnati Commercial makes some statements, which ought to remove doubts. 1. The Chinese Government has a census system, under which, at irregular periods, it obtains an enumeration for military purposes of the male members, of families between the ages of 16 and 60. Multiplying this number by five gave in 1842 a population of 414,686,994. The-ecus us of 1856, on the same system, gave in found numbers 450,000,000,, in increase of about 8 per cent, in fourteen years. This reasonable rate of increase, which is less than one-fifth of our- ratio, gives credit to the Chinese figures,. 2. A better method of testing the figures is by comparing the number of persons to the square mile with the number in other populous countries. China, has an area of 5,250,000 square miles,, and 450,000,000, for all the density ©f population, is 86 persons to the- square mile,. Now, in Germany there are 250 to> the square mile, and in. Frame© 180 to» the square mile. It is well known that China is a densely populated country; even its waters, swarm with human life. Canton has 80,00Q> registered boats, on which families; live as their homes; and though the Tartar prosrances are sparsely populated, the people are so think in the rest of the country that 86 persons, to the square mile seems to be below rather than above the truth..— Exchain&e-..

Beautiful Words.

In the preface of her recently published work, “Woman and Temperance,” Mi s Frances* Willard gives her reason for devoting* so much space to admiration of her co-laborers in these beautiful words: “I thought before you died I’d just tell you how much 1 have always loved and honored you. This sentence has in it matter for reflection. It hints at one of the most unaccountable erroTO in our conduct of life’s relationships. We apeak our words of praise too late. We blow the trumpet of our approbation at the earnest worker’s ear but not until death’s finger has closed, it np forever. We utter at the grave side the tender words that might have "kept sensitive souls with us in a new 1 lease of life. We build monuments with money that, if bestowed upon the Irving toiler, would hav© re-enforoed the wasted energies and reawakened the declining courage. j Norway has a heavier ocean tonnage than the United Btatea*

HUMOR.

[From the Norristown Herald.; A young odored man of Illinois is said to have made a fortune of $150,000 within a year. We suspect he served a few months as porter on a Pullman palace %ar. An exchange says “saw-dust is now used medically.” Saw-dust has been long used to fatten “calves,” and no doubt it possesses many other virtues not yet discovered. A “society” item says: “Very few ladies play upon the banjo.** And after hearing one of them play npon the instrument, we deeply regret that the number is not 100 per cent. less. The newspaper foreman got a marriage notice among a lot of items headed “Horrors of the Year,” and when the editor learned that the groom’s income was only $7 a week, he said it had better remain under that head. A New Yoek woman poured soap suds in her husband's boots, broke his pipe, pawned his watch, and raised a lump on his head with a poker, withoutr cansing him to invoke the assistance of the law. But when she pared her corns with his best razor he went right off and applied for a divorce. He said the line must be drawn somewhere. A London paper says: “The Princess of Wales has won two millinery victories this year.” We suspect she asked her husband for £lO for a new poke bonnet, gorgeously trimmed, and £6 for a sealskin turban, with a feather a yard long, and he had to fork over the cash—though where he got the money is a mystery. A passenger car jumped the track and rolled down a steep embankment. Several persons were dangerously injured, and one man was found wedged between two seats, with two ribs broken, and sound asleep 1 A copy of the London Times containing an editorial three columns in length was clutched in his right hand. A magazine writer says that “women with a puspose, women in earnest, have a noticeable look of charm.” That depends. If a young woman has a “purpese” to say “yes” when her young man proposes, and is in “earnest” about it, she has more charm, in his eyes, than at any other period in her life. Nejv York papers are agitating for cheaper funerals. Rich people may get along without expensive funerals; but when a burglar is killed by. a fellow rough, or a prize-fighter is fatally knocked out, the friends of the late lamented are bound to have a big funeral if they have to pawn every article belonging to the widow and assess- every saloonkeeper in the district. “Does Science Destroy Love of Nature?” asks a scientific magazine. It does. Oiice upon a time a scientist invented a flying machine, after his first trial not only his love of nature but his love of art . also was destroyed. A fall of sixty-six feet, from the roof of a building, in the interest of science, is apt to destroy anybody’s love of nature. [From the Booster.} A cardinal virtue—a papal indulgence. There are more swells on the sea than there are on the shofee. No lawyer but a vpry green one would “take the will for the deed.” A female corn doctor in Cleveland is called “Divinity,” because she “shapes our ends. ” The latest -wrinkle m fashion is for ladies to go with walking-sticks. Dudes are walking sticks. A mark of birth —the Busman's pug nose. A mark of breeding—the Englishman’s pug dog. Violinists should be considered very prudent men. They usually have four strings to their bow. The Indiamapolis Journal ha» a colored reporter on its staff. You may have noticed that some- ®f the news has been highly colored. A man may “smile and smile andi be unwilling still,” but the chances are that he will “smile” and “smile” mtil he becomes obstreperously noisy. A New Jersey maa named a boy baby Oscar Wilde. When that- boy grows up and realizes* the full purport of the thing we may expect to hear of a case of “justifiable patricide” in that State. An article* in an exchange is beaded, “How to Preserve Pianos.” We didn’t have time to read it,, but we feel; constrained! to caution our readers to. keep the prasorvi <1 pianos on the top. shelf ont of the reach of tire children.. They are too.niclk

Cliff Dwellings.

There- are #ome remarkable- ruins about fouir miles southeast e£ Magdalena,, Mexico, in tba State ofi Sbnora, whioixi liatve of late attracted a* good deal e ft' notice. There is among these one pyramid, with a base oi 4,320 feet square amd an elevation of 750 feet. It .lias-ai winding roadway, leading by an easy gjtade from bottom to> tops wide mough for carriages. This* is several miles long. In the sides o£ this mountain, as. one ascends, he passes hundreds of chambers out in the solid rook, with, walls* floor, and ceiling hewn t® an even precision truljr remarkable. These--1 Chambers vary m size from five to ten,, ! sixteen, and even eighteen feet square. There are no windows and but one entrance, which is always- from the top. The height ©f the ceiling, usually* is eight feet. The walla are covered in places with heiroglypldcs and figures of men and animals. In some places, feet and hands of human beings are found cut in the rock. Who constructed these dwellings is not now certainly known. Some claim that they were the ancestors of the ancient Aztecs or Toltecs. It is not improbable that they are the remains of ancient Zuni tribes. —lnter Ocean. An old lady in Portland, Me., who was acquainted with Ralph Waldo Emerson, and knew him well in later life, says that he was so indolent that she was not at all surprised when he gave np preaching and went to live in Oon-. «ord t simply to think.