Democratic Sentinel, Volume 7, Number 48, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 28 December 1883 — THE “GREAT UNRUFFLED.” [ARTICLE]

THE “GREAT UNRUFFLED.”

The Unhappy Ix>t of the Average Motel Clerk. “If this is not a hard hotel I give it up, ” said a stranger with an easy, worldly air as he leaned upon the marble counter of a leading hotel. “What’s that, sir?” asked the obliging clerk, with an air of interest. ”Isust remarked,” said the stranger, indifferently, as he bit off and lighted his cigar, “that you kept a tough caravansary.” “Ah,” said the clerk, in the most serene and affable manner, “what can we do to increase the sum of your happiness ?” “Nothing at all at present,” was the response. “Then why do you complain?” said the clerk, with the air of a man whom nothing could annoy. . • “I registered herera while ago,” said the newcomer, “and was shown to a room by the porter. I had my own key, and still, when I entered I found a man there dressing.” “Well, what has that got to do with the hotel?” asked the qlerk. “Oh, nothing in particular, except that it proves what I said about it. It’s a hard place that don’t give one man time to get out before another is sent to take his place;” “Well;, now, me boy,” said the clerk confidingly to his*new acquaintance, “it takes a great head to run a big hotel and prevent friction. You may think you can stop it, but you can’t. It’s no use trying, and the only way to do is to let thmgs take their own course, while you do the best you can. Do you see that?” said he, touching the guest on the shoulder as if to pin the fact there with the point of his finger. “I like to hear a man talk, but I guess I’ll pay my bill if I owe you anything, and take a walk,” said the guest in an off-hand, don’t-care sort of way. “What! Leave this house ? My dear John—your naire is John, isn’t it? I think your brother told me so—you must be mad. You can’t find any Such accommodations anywhere in thfe United States. Is that a good cigar? No? Well, have another; and just wait a minute. IM have the porter show you up to 108—the best room in the house, northern exposure, opens right out 'on the alley, and is as bright and airy as a hayloft.” “I’ll take a look at it,” was the noncommittal response, and the clerk turned to give attention |o a man who wanted to know whether Mr. Jones and wife had registered there “a week ago Saturday night last,” while a bell-boy stood with a card in his hand repeating the words “Not in,” and another person begged to know whether anything had been heard from the occupant of No. 458. But the clerk was equal to the situation. Shaking his head to the man who asked for the Joneses, he said: “Notin,” to the Other, and dismissed the boy with a wave of the hand, the latter movement being prolonged into a friendly “shake” with a newcomer. “It’s rather dull to-day,” he was about to say to the last arrival, when down came a great, huffy individual, in a fever of excitement, bearing a heavy valise which he refused to permit any of the porters to touch, as if it were liable to suffer from contact with the “luggageman’s” fist. “Do I owe this house anything?” Iqe asked, as the key rattled on the marble. “Not yet, sir,” said the obliging clerk. “Well, I never will,” was the nervous> retort. “Why, sir?” “Because I am going to leave you, and I don’t propose to return. That’s why, and that’s all I’ve got to say, ” said the man with the valise. “Well, goo<J-by, sir,” said the clerk, extending his hand. But the fat man seized the traveling-bag, which had rested temporarily on the floor, and hurried toward the door. “Judge, Judge—why, wait a minute,” the clerk appealed. But the person so addressed pulled his slouch hat close over his eyes, hugged his valise tightly under his arm, and hurried away as if he were afraid he would be persuaded to stay if he should confess the cause of his singular conduct. “I guess he’s’ mad, ” was the comment of the affable man behind the counter when he qaw the porter gaping after him. “Did you do anything?” *“No, sir;” said the porter.’ “Then what ailed him ?” asked the clerk, as he shook the hand of the newest and latest arrival. “T(he bed was not made up,“ said the porter. “How do you do, Mr. Roberts?” placidly said the “great unruffled.” “How do you do, sir ?” said the possessor of the last name on the registeJr. “Really, you have the greatest, hotel on earth.” “Now, there, you are right,” was the response. “Show the gentleman to 108. -—Chicago Tribune.