Democratic Sentinel, Volume 7, Number 48, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 28 December 1883 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

The horse prefers to dine at the table d’oat. The first weather report—Thunder. Chubch music is not-difficult to a choir. Not leveled by love—The rank of an onion. “I fili. the Bill,” said Willie when, he got into his mother’s preserve closet. “And I foot the Bill,” remarked papa, overhearing the soliloquy. “We have struck smoother road, haven’t we?” asked a passenger of a conductor on an Arkansas railway. “No,” replied the conductor, ’“we'have only run off the track.” Thebe is a town on a. Missouri railroad called Coming. It is so called because passengers are 'often in doubt whether the town is moving toward them or the train toward the town. Mhad a little lamb. Its fleas were snowy white. And every time that lamb would move The fleas were sure to bite. —Aew York Journal. “What is true bravery?” asks a New York paper. It is going to the door yourself when you don’t know whether the caller is a dear friend, a book agent or a man with a bill.— Philadelphia News. “Can the Old Love?” is the title of a novel. That’s generally the way of it. z They can the old love as soon as it becomes the least bit old and put it away to keep, while something a trifle fresher is brought out for daily use.— Cincin- ' nati Enquirer. Little Mary, who has just returned from the West, is much interested in the Indians, having visited a reservation while on her travels. She says that “wigwams are as good as houses for them to live in, and they answer all intents and papooses.”-*- Bos ton Courier. “Come away from that straw stack, chile,” called a negro womah to her son. “Fust thing yer know yer’ll hab the hay fever. Doan yer put none of dat straw in yer mouf.” It is a mean wretch who will slyly drop a hair switch in a car loaded with women, and then smile as he sees every woman make a grab for the back of her head when she notices it. The fellow at the other end of the telephone wire may be perfectly sound financially, but the man at this end should reflect, as he listens, that his business is in charge of a “receiver."— Pittsburgh Telegraph. When* the hired girl was asked to put an extra plate on the table she said she wasn’t much of an arithmetician, but she could work an example in simple add-dish-on like that..— Cincinnati Merchant and Traveler. “Do you think she’s pretty?” he cried. “I do, indeed. ' I’m really just wild over that girl. Then why don’t I go in and do the grand-? Well, to tell the truth, i’s just here: None of' the other fellows go wild over her at all, and there’d be no credit in winning her out.— Lowell Citizen. “And the cloud wedded the shadows,” sings a poet. Sort of a bigger-mist, eh ? “I say, Brown, that dog walking on three legs must be good at mathematics.” “How so?” “Why, just see how naturally he puts down three and carries one. A Los Angeles rancher lias raised a pumpkin so large that his two children use a half each for a cradle. iThis may seem very wonderful in ’the rural districts, but in this city three or four full-grown policemen have been found asleep on a single beat. — New York News. In looking over an old magazine we came across some lines descriptive of a public watering place in 1799. As onr readers will perceive, the lines are not inapplicable at the present time: Two or three Novels, two or three Tore; Two or three Misses, two or three B< ye; Two or three Alder men reading Gazettes; Two or three Lovers, arranged in sets; Two or three Ladies throwing the oioe, And two or three ’Squires promoting the vice; Two or three Aristocrats, silent and [road; Two or three Democrats, elllv and load; Two or three Parsons, as black as a Crow; Two or three Soldiers, more smart than a Beau; Two or three Brokers, all fresh from ‘Change alley; Two or three Clerks, with their Busan and Sally; Two or three Beauties, full-dress’d for the season; And as many Old Women, dress'd quite Out of reason.