Democratic Sentinel, Volume 7, Number 47, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 21 December 1883 — Cold Feet. [ARTICLE]

Cold Feet.

Some men will jump into bed after coming in late and put their bare feet over against their wife, who has fallen into a gentle, peaceful sleep. She dreams of bossing a polar expedition for about a second when she awakes to a realization that her cold-footed and cold-hearted husband is making a warming-pan of the small of her back.' About this time, in m ny cases, it becomes decidedly sultry for the husband. Then he realizes that he has made a mistake, and after solemnly promising never to do it again, and to warm himself by the fire before retiring, peace generally reigns, until in an unguarded moment, which is generally the next night, he repeats the same trick, and again makes the same promises. The very thought of a pair of ice-cold feet-against your warm back is enough to make the cold chills run all up and down your spine playing tag. A. Cedar Rapids, lowa, man had a little experience in this line, and had finally been so well-trained by his wife as to put on his nice long canton flannel night shirt when he came home at night and back up to the stove and get thoroughly warmed before going to bed. His wife was begi. ning to enjoy Life and looked forward to the real cold nights of the coming w nter with no dread of her husband’s cold feet waiting her from her journey through the land of Nod. After his good wife had retired, he arrayed himself in his nice long night shirt," perched himself on a ehair with his back to the stove, in which position he soon dozed oft", but began to lave troubled dreams. He begay, to selieve he was chief engineer in hades and was shouting for more brimstone. He did shout. He was fairly awake. He smelt burnt flannel. He felt rather too warm for comfort. He realized that something had got to be done, and done at once, as his nice night shirt was ablaze. He had satMioo near the stove. The noise he mad-- caused his w fe to come running into t .e room, where she found him rolling on the floor trying to extinguish the conflagration. That man has gone back on everything outside of a bed to warm a pair of cold feet or a cold back, and you can’t make him beli ve there is any other way to get warm than to “spoon it,” in the good old-fashioned way, long canton flannel night shirts to the contrary notwithstanding.— Peek’s Sun. No feller could been a great succeed of he keeps combany mit der tuyfels sister. Such dings alvays makes a mans have goot regards for der family of der girl undill afder der minister got his gelt for der pishness. Dhen der filiations plays der deuce. Some ministers are like patent medicines. They tell everybody how to cure the freckles on their faces while their own faces are disfigured. The medicine may be good —i. e.,for others, but they don’t like to take it themtelves. Men would be saints if they loved God as they love women.— Saint Thomas.