Democratic Sentinel, Volume 7, Number 46, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 14 December 1883 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

[From Carl PreUel’a Weekly.] . Something on foot—Socks. Did you ever hear a stove pipe ? What is the use of thinking right and doing wrong? A young man in this city said he shaved off his mustache because in drinking it got in his whey. Thebe is but little difference between a chiropodist and a farmer. They both cut the corn. In all human probability there never was a man who would acknowledge the fact that he was born in the minority. An old colored man entered a store with an old rooster spur in his hand. On being asked why he had it, he replied : “I carries dis in mem’ry ob my pet rooster 1 killed last Sunday. You know dar was some preachers at my house and I set de chicken ’fore dem an dey just Jeff me dis much." “Youb pup has just bitten me, sir” angrily exclaimed a man to his neighbor, “and if it oc-curs again I’ll be dogoned if I don’t shoot him...” “Men who stood by this Government in the hour of peril,” are still standing, but those who sat during the performance are still occupying comfortable berths. Great poverty, great riches, nor a newly-elected President can listen to reason. Don’t yield your better judgment to other people, they may forget to return it.

[From the Norristown Herald.] „ The divorce lawyer Should advertise: “Misfit marriages % specialty.” Chryssipus, the philosopher, died from laughter at one of his own jokes. Chrys was not a contributor to a London comic weekly, The ‘ididn’t-know-it-was-loaded” joke is about the only kind that kills iurthis country. * > It is said that at a recent Boston wedding the six ushers were chosen from rejected suitors of the bride. It was a grateful act to give the unsuccessful suitor an opportunity to witness the life punishment inflicted upon their suc•eessiul rival.;J | / The Princess of Wales looks lovely on horseback,fldetf'lffrer a bird.— Exchange. Those t>f our readers who iliave seen a bird ride horseback will now know just how the Princess rides. We have never witnessed such an equestrian Exhibition. A man. going home late at night saw a bayonet in the moon, and immediately predicted a war. His prediction Was suddenly verified, for as soon as* he reached home his wife; “Drunk again, eh ?” and then the war commenced. It was short, sharp and decisive., Hii ”is Chinese for “America.*” As ’‘spelling reformers,” the Chinese are away ahead of this country. None of our spelling reformers, who spell facts “fax,” would think of spelling America with only two letters. “What is slang?” asks a Boston contemporary. Well, we should remark, it is something we don’t indulge in, you bet. • A few nights ago a young lady of Pottsville, who had long suffered of spinal disease, dreamed that her health was restored, and, upon waking, she found the dream realized. This is much cheaper and more pleasant than paying doctor bills and swallowing bitter medicine; and yet there are invalids who cling to the old school treatment instead of dreaming themselves cured. They may have no faith in the dream cure, but it costs nothing to try it.