Democratic Sentinel, Volume 7, Number 43, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 23 November 1883 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

[From Carl Pretzel's Weekly.] Head winds—Blowing your nose. Grass widows are not always in clover. A finished artist mixes his colors with brains. A cool proceeding — An ice wagon making its rounds. If brevity is the soul of wit, there is a good deal of fun in a dude’s coattail. “One good turn deserves another,” as the tug-boat Captain said to the bridge tender. “Why are you so distant?” said a tiampto the beafsteak in the restaurant window. “Man wants but little here below,” but every publisher wants his .full subscription price. Any young man who aspires to be a humorist is advised to drink sarsaparilla. It is good for the humor. “What grows up must grow down,” said a dear father as he mournfully observed his young hopeful struggling with a delicate mustache. A young lady don’t lack much of making a gun out of herself when she powders her face,sets her cap, goes to a ball and snaps at the dudes. [From th« Norristown Herald.] , Fans have existed for at least 3,000 years, or representations of these wfndpersuaders have been discovered on-the tombs of Thebes. The friends of the deceased evidently knew in which direction the departed were going, and put on their tombstones pictures of the articles they most needed in the other world. It is suspected that the fan itself was interred with the remains. A Tennessee girl who has gray eyes, makes them appear blue and bright “by wearing a hat lined with dark blue velvet and eating lumps of sugar on which has been dropped a little cologne.” A Tennessee man who has gray eyes can moke them appear black and blue by simply calling Slugger Sullivan a liar and a horse-thief. The editor wrote “Bonny Kate Field is on her travels through the exchanges once more,” and it came out in the paper “Boney Kate,” etc. The editor js paying 10 cents apiece for all the copies of that issue, for the purpose of destroying them, and if the entire edition cannot be secured he says he will go to Alaska until the affair “blows ever.” When a young man becomes impatient waiting half an hour for his girl, who left the room with the remark that she would “be ready - in two minutes,” he should not manifest his uneasiness, but let his mind revert to the stock of patience exhibited by the physician who counted the holes or cells in the human lungs and discovered that the whole number was 174,000,000. [From the Burlington Hawkeye.] Young Fastboy says the first girl he ever waltzed with was all the whirled to him. The cable announces as important news the fact that “Mr. Slingsby Bethel, an official of the House of Lords, is coming to America to visit his sons, who live in the United States.” “We know a man in Missouri named Snagsby Chancel; wonder if he could be one of Slingsby’s boys.” \ You will please observe one thing about railway lunch counters: The man who growls the most also eats the most, and the fellow who jokes about the indestructible sandwiches, thinks he is in hard luck if he doesn’t get away with half a dozen before the gong strikes. The pastor of a church in New Milford, Ct.,"has been compelled to resign, because he stole his sermons. Oh, foolish congregation, to kick when he stole better ones than he could write. We have heard some parsons for whom we gladly would have stolen some sermons, on condition that they never would preach their own.