Democratic Sentinel, Volume 7, Number 41, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 9 November 1883 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

(From the Burlington Hawk eye.] A Pullman car porter was found dead in the smoking-room of his car. The investigation by the Coroner’s jury revealed the fact that the President oi the road had given the man a quarter, and the astonished man had died of the shock. Thk mosquitoes at Cape May carry tourniquets and syptics with them, in order to check the flow of blood from the patient after the nocturnal repast is over. This has saved the lives of many guests and the popularity of Cape May is just booming in consequence. ■ “Malvina” wants to know how Mr. Peabody, the philanthropist, pronounced his name. Well, “Malvina,” here in America he was called Peabody, with the accent on every syllable, broad and plain, but in England they averaged things by simply calling him “P'b’dy.” The Spanjphl have a proverb, “The man who stumbles twice oh the same sthne is a fool.” There may be something very profound in that, but we fail to see it. We can’t see whv one good stone, that will outlast a dozen fetimes, isn’t just as good for a man to do all his stumbling over, as a great expensive collection of miscellaneous stones, so widely scattered that a lost car agent couldn’t keep track of half of them. The Spaniards are a well-mean-ing people, but you can’t expect very much of a people who spell “Hosay* with a “J.” [From the Williamsport Grit J A last resort— A summer resort. When a man loses his mind, does he mind his loss? Judge to youth: “What is the nature of an oath?” “It is human.” Thebe is a man in Williamsport so miserly that he won’t ride to his own funeral. The attempt of many people to play upon words is as abominal as is their playing upon pianos. “Be sure you are right, then go ahead,” is a very good motto, but “Be sure she is rich, then go ahead,” is better. Some Western speculators got up a comer in hay which lasted for severa weeks, but it was finally broken. We suppose it was a case where the bulls and bears both lived in clover for a season. [From Carl Pretzel’® Weekly.] The last thing in life—The “e.” Land poor—The average emigrant. Men who love a quiet pursuit should embark in the still business. The milkman sells sweet-milk, but, when we buy it, it’s our milk. An attorney without business should be for then he is lawless. Tbavelers won’t pay a cowardly conductor of a railroad train, for none but the brave deserve the fare. A young lady dressmaker can never give satisfaction. « Her garments will always be miss-fits. Printers would be extremely happy if editors would get all their copyrighted before it falls into their hands. David Davis says he don’t object to newspaper paragraphers joking about the size of his pants, but when they say his trousers are big enough for Baroum’s “Jumbo” and a hippopotamus to play “Peek-a-boo” or “Hide and Seek” in, thinks it is time to “cheese the racket.”