Democratic Sentinel, Volume 7, Number 39, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 26 October 1883 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

A miss-fit— Hysterics. A BLACK BABE —A Hottentot. Against the grain—Rust and rata. Off on a tear—The tail of a coat. Out at the elbow—A disconnected stove pipe. To doctors : Any patient worth knowing is worth knowing well. A gentleman with an eruption of the scalp acknowledges with sorrow that there is indeed plenty of rheum at the top. The mill owner who turned the firehose upon some of his disorderly employes explained his conduct by saying he was only washing his hands. Teacher: “Can you tell me which is the olfactory organ ?” Pupil frankly answers: “No, sir.” Teacher: “Correct ” Pupil goes off in a brown study. A rmJE peach in an orchard crew Of emerald hue—so rare Our baby on that peach did chew And climbed the golden stair. An amateur singer in Chenango county, N. Y., frightened a pair of canary birds to death. It must have been a clear case of killing two birds with one’s tone. WheN Neptune wants to flirt with Mother Earth, he gently waves the sea acrpss her bosom.— Whitehall Times. And then invites her to the bank-wet. New Yqj'k News. A Professor of the Allopathic school explains the Homeopathic theory of “Similia similibus curantur” by saying: “If a patient has a broken head, hit him again with a brickbat.”

Under certain circumstances it makes a man feel mean to have people give him a wide berth, but somehow it never does when he is traveling on a steamboat.—Burlington Free Press. It’s all right to promise folks the sweetest of music in the next world, but it would be more comforting if they were also promised the capacity for appreciating it.— Boston Post. “Sanded Strawberries” is a new game which is i>layed at the table when the strawberries have been properly prepared for the palate. Tim game is to guess whether the sand came with the berries or the sugar. Old gent—“Ah, Mrs. 8., did you keep a diary during your visit to the country?” Mrs. 8., indignantly—“No, sir, I didn’t. The family bought milk from the neighbors.— Cincinnati Traveler. The difference between the business of a circus advance agent and a druggist seems to be this: the first spends much of his time in the posting of his bills; the latter in boasting his pills.— Pittsburgh Telegraph. “What a fine-looking man that is!” said one gentleman to another, noticing a face and form such as would attract attention anywhere. “Yes,” was the reply; “he looks like an encyclopedia, but he talks like a primer.” The average young lady wants at least four feet of seat in a street-car for a ride of six blocks, but she will ride half a day Sunday squeezed into a buggy-seat beside her young man and not find the least fault. Why are they so inconsistent? A damsel beset for her photograph, By a vapid youth of the genus calf, Agrec-U at last the boon to grunt. To the great delight of the gay gallant. ‘‘Oh, thanks! ” paid he. “ 1 soma day shall Plead for the fair anginal! ” And rdguishly shaking her jaunty head, “I’ll give you the negative, then,” she said. Wasp. “Now I want to know,” said a man whose veracity has been questioned by an angry acquaintance, “just why you call me a liar. Be frank, sir, for frankness is a golden-trimmed virtue. Just as a friend, now tell me why you called me a liar?” “Called you a liar because you are a liar,” the acquaintance replied. “That’s what I call frankness. Why, sir, if this rule were adopted, over lalf of the difficulties would be settled without trouble, and in our case there would have been trouble but for our willingness to meet each other half way.”— Arkansaw Traveler.