Democratic Sentinel, Volume 7, Number 38, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 19 October 1883 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

[From the Nprrla'own Herald.] A fish called the “whistling sucker” is sometimes caught in Walker lake, j Nevada. , It is called a very remarkable 1 fish, but the whistling “sucker” is quite common in this part of the country. “A Bridgeport (Ct.) corset faetory ! has to run till 9 o’clock at night."’ There is one industry, at least, that ; prospers by a tight squeeze. ” A writer in a scientific monthly asks: “How was man distributed on earth ?” Aocording to the account of a recent nitro-glyceriue explosion, he was distributed on the earth iq several hundred pieces; but perhaps this is not the man referred to. “A preparatory school for boys’* in Connecticut is called “The Gunnery.” If the design is to prepare boys for the life beyond “The Toy Pistol ry” would be a more appropriate name, and find more favor with the juveniles. “Officer Blizzard, of Chester, Pa., carves pretty baskets out of peachstones.” This is a less harmless employment than that performed by the Western blizzard. The latter generally carves an ugly path of death and destruction tlirough a flourishing town. A poetess says: “If I were dead, and thou shouldst venture near the coffin where I lay, I should know it, I should feel it.” Not one reader in a thousand will believe this w.ld assertion; and the poetess, in order to secure a reputation for veracity, should die aDd give a practical illustration of her alleged post-mortem gift. A scientific journal explains “why a man can’t fly.” In a great many cases it is because lie is grabbed by the minions of the law before he can escape with the funds of the bank. But there are times, however, when ho succeeds iu flying. [From Carl Pretzel’s Weekly.] Opinions crown with an imperial voice, and onions crown with a stately breath. A cat may take a nap, but a nap oannot be taken where there are many cats around. A man bet SSOO that he could tickle the heel of a mule’s foot while he was asleep. He tickled, and won and lost about the same time. A lady of this city recently filled her lamp with gasoline, and since then sho has not benzine. Be a trifle careful what you say to a lady who is engaged in sewing. She is not herself on such occasion, nor is she what she seams. “Tooth-in, ” shouted a fellow as the dentist applied his forceps. “Toothout;” Exclaimed the dentist as the fellow paid his dollar. ! Once a drummer and a plumber Were a-taikin? ’bout tneir “gall:" Said the plumber to the drummer: “You can’t equal me at ail! — Now when I go out a nlumbin?. All the kitchen girls I hug. An 1 the time 11 ike up gumming ltosy cheeks —in bill I lug! ” Quoth the drummer to the plumber: "On ail lemale.s I’ve the cab; — Both in winter and the summer, Maids and marrons for me bawl; For my samples, sliawis and ribbon I give the damsels whom I’ve ‘mashed,’ Then to ‘boss’ a'tale I write on, Of a robbery—unabashed!" The howlers for female rights and so forth ought to spend a few days on ’Change in Chicago. They wouldn’t be so rampant, as they’d get all the squeeze they wanted.