Democratic Sentinel, Volume 7, Number 38, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 19 October 1883 — Topnoody Squelched. [ARTICLE]

Topnoody Squelched.

“My dear,” said Mr. Topnoody to his wife, “do you want to go to the boat race at 3 o’clock ?” “No, I don’t. I’ve been working in the kitchen all morning and I’m tired, and, besides, you know as well as I do that I don’t like athletics in any shape.” “Of course, my dear, you don’t; bul your tongue is so athletic I didn’t know but that you might want to give it a chance to—” “Shut up, Topnoody. I won’t stand it.” “Sit down, love.” “I’ll do as I please.” “Will you go to the boat race, dear ?" “No, I tell you.” “Wliv not, my dear?” “Topnoody, I despise puns, and yon are a pnn, but 11l use one to tell you why I won’t go. When you were a beau of mine years ago I liked you because I didn’t see you very often, but now, when there is barely a trace of youi former self, and I have to have you around always —to take in a beau trace every day, so to speak, it makes me .want to break somebody’s skull, and—” Topnoody felboff his chair in a faint. — Merchant-Traveler.