Democratic Sentinel, Volume 7, Number 37, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 12 October 1883 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

A DntWiU man keeps his favorite trait in a refrigerator because he believes in freeze peaohe. *Tm sitting on the style, Mary," said Mary’s father when he refused to buy hear a new bonnet. Thk average of human life is that women live longer than men. This is j loubtless owing to the liberal exercise of the tongue, which is said to promote longevity. —Carl PretzeTs Weekly. A young lady being told at a reoent fire to stand baok, or else the Bose would be turned on her, replied: “Oh, I don’t care; they are striped on both tides, anyway.” How old does a single woman become before being considered am old maid ? —Clara. If homely and poor 21 years is about the figure; if rich and handsome 173 years is the limit. Hebe is another point in favor of the Darwinian theory: There is a boy in Norristown who “sprang from a monkey.” The monkey belonged to an and attempted to bite the boy. A young man informs the New York Journal that he is five feet ten inches in height, and asks how much he ought to weigh. If he is a coal-dealer’s clerk he oughtn’t to weigh less than 2,000 pounds to the ton. Man's br.ck across track; Engine roars; man snores; Engine rushed; mansquehed; Widow sports; seeks courts; Lawyer weeps; jury sleeps; Judge charges; heavy largess; Judge hollers, live thousand dollars. A BOVINE HUM. Only a tiny bonnet. Set with exquisite grace. With heaps of daisies 'upon it. Over a pretty face, W Whose lips were swiftly moving In a low, bovine hum— Only a Newport maiden Chewing a hunk of gum. —The Judge. PATTERING BEHIND. Tis now the little boys, Intent on summer joys, Go bathing in every stream they lind, find, find; Returning home they feel While twisting like an eel, The little shingle pattering behind, ’hind, 'hind. —Homerville Journal. “Strange,” remarked Mrs. Brown, “I have rung at Mrs. Smith’s door three times this week, and didn’t succeed in raising anyone. I guess the family is out of town. ” “Possibly, ” replied Mrs. Jones, “but Mrs. Smith was telling me just now that she could tell your ring among a thousand. ” — Newark Register. Nancy, Miss Broughton’s heroine, tells, her middle-aged wooer, among other things, that she accepts him because, “I’d think it would be a nice thing for the boys; hut I like you myself, besides.” After this aideit confession ’he “kissed her with it sort of diffidence.” Many men would have preferred to go out and kick “the boys.” A little incident, which illustrates the half-unconscious feeling which many people have about depending on Divine Providence, is related in the memories of Mary Somerville. When a girl, she and her brother had coaxed their timid mother to accompany them on a sail. The day was sunny, but a stiff breeze was blowing, and presently the boat began to toss and roll. “George,” called Mrs. Fairfax to the Captain, “this is an awful storm! I fear we are in great danger. Mind how you steer. Remember, I trust in you.” He replied: “Dinna tr.ust in me, leddy. Trust in God Almighty.” In perfect terror, the lady exclaimed, “Dear me, is it come to that?”