Democratic Sentinel, Volume 7, Number 37, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 12 October 1883 — The Upper Berth. [ARTICLE]

The Upper Berth.

One of the most difficult things in the world, -next to swimming the whirlpool of Niagara, is to get into the upper berth of a sleeping-car. It is a moving and effecting spectacle to see the fat and habitually-dignified head of a family laboriously acquire possession of an upper berth. The trouble usually begins by the old gentleman expostulating with the conductor for putting him so high up, and he begs that gilt-edged official to try and make a trade with some small-sized man who can easily climb up the side of the car and crawl inside with little or no difficulty. The commanding officer of the quarter-deck says he will see what he can do about it, and wanders off into the blue regions of the smoking-car and shakes dice with the train-boy for a cigar. Meanwhile the fat man waits and perspires and curses all the officials of the road, from the President down to the section bosses. When the conductor saunters leisurely back he tells the fat man that nothing can be done; no one, he says, will exchange a lower berth for an upper—no, not even if the fat man will give something to boot. Then the dignified fat man glares at the other passengers, and waits until they have all retired before he tries to get into the upper berth. There are several different ways of forcing an entrance into an upper berth. You can hire the porter for two bits to give you a leg up, but this method is liable to attract' attention aud Excite ungenerous and sarcastic remarks. The dignified fat man has a regular circus. First swinging himself up by the curtain-bar he tries to go in feet first, but he can’t let go the rail without tumbling back again into the aisle. The porter helps him out of this fix and the fat man tries a new deaL This time he steps on the ear of a sleeping beauty in the lower berth, and the sleeping beauty knocks the pins out from under him and the fat man retires to the wash-room to bathe his nose and abuse monopolies. Then he gets the porter to bring a camp-stool, he gets on it, catches hold of the brass rod above, and is about to spring for the berth, when the campstool doubles up, and, in his efforts to save himself from, coming down with a “dead thud” on the floor, he wildly grasps the bell-cord, and that stops the train, and the conductor cOmes in and uses language to him, and the passengers all wake up and use more language, and the dignified fat passenger even wishes he were dead or that he had more clothes on. Finally he manages to crawl into the upper berth, and he boils over with malicious thoughts and sinister desires for the bankruptcy of the railroad company. It is a full liour before he relapses into slumber, and then the conductor'comes along and punches him and his ticket; and then a horrible suspicion flashes across him that the berth may become loosened in some way from its catch, and spring up against the ceiling of the car and smother him. He sleeps no more until daylight, and then he has to jump out and dress hurriedly, for the train is running into the city. A good stretch on the longitudinal cushioned seats in the caboose of a freight train is many points ahead ol the best upper berth ever invented foi a palace sleeping-car, and we don’t care who knows it.— Texas Siftings. Disciplined for Not Attending Church. He lived in a country terwn neai Providence, R. 1., and had not attended church for many months. At length, having a friend visiting him, he accompanied him, one Sunday, to meeting. Arriving in iront of the edifice, one ol deacons beckoned him to one side, and he expected a “talking” to for his delinquency. He was much relieved, however, by the denouement, looking all around, to assure himself that h« would not be overheard, the deacor said to him, “I heard you had a very fine calf you wanted to sell. ” — Elmira Advertiser. There have been a gi eat number o: earthquakes in Great Britain fron time to time. The last of note was tha‘ of 1816. It extended over a vast ares of .country, and in some localities its effects were scarcely, felt. The lakes oi Cumberland and Durham, and these of. Scotland were visibly agitated, and th« progressive motion of the shock wa» also felt in Ireland. Gov. Ben Butler’s stables are th< finest in Lowell. Ho keeps nine thoi' oufghbred horses.