Democratic Sentinel, Volume 7, Number 36, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 5 October 1883 — HE WAS NO SLOUCH. [ARTICLE]

HE WAS NO SLOUCH.

wp ’i. * .. B«t She Machinery Midnt Work When He Tried to Demonstrate the Fact. [From the Arkaimaw Traveler.] Bill Higgonson, a well-known character of the White Springs neighborhoc 1, came to the city in company with several young ladies, to one of whom he was engaged to be married. Bill has always thirsted for notoriety. He be known by the leading men in town, and to show the people of his community that, although born in obscurity and reared on the farm, he can address prominent men in a familiar way. While the young ladies were at the hotel Bill went into a wholesale store, and, approaching a man who sat in the office, said: “Cap’n, you can do me a big favor if you wilt I’ve got a lot of gals in town with me, an’ I wanter show ’em that I ain’t no slouch. I want ’em to go home an’ say that Bill—that’s me —come to town an’ was knowed by the big bugs. Now, I want to make this agreement with you. I’ll go away, an’ putty soon I’ll come aroun’ with the gals an’ come in here, slap you on the shoulder an’ say, ‘Old chap, how do you hold out ?” Then you slap me, an’ say, ‘Why, Bill, old boy, I’m glad to see you.’ That will be blowed all over my country, an’ will be wuth money and character to me, lemme tell you.” The gentleman said that he did not object to helping a young fellow along, and that the aspiring William might come in and slap him, when he would go through with his part of the programme. Bill, highly delighted with the arrangement, went to the hotel and told the girls that he wanted them to take a walk with him. As they walked along toward the store. Bill said: “Now I’m going to show you ’Liza, that you ain’t going to marry no slouch. I’ll show you that your own Bill is looked up to an’ liked in this town, an’ he is on terms with the best of ’em. ” The girl laughed self-complacently, and declared that it was nice to marry a man that “wasn’t a stranger an’ a slouch.” When they reached the store, Bill conducted the ladies to the office, where a man sat looking over accounts. He was not the man with whom the arrangements had been made, but Bill did not recognize the difference. Advancing, he struck the man a pretty heavy slap, and exclaimed: “Hello, old chap, how are you holdin’ out?” The gentleman sprang to his feet and glared at William, but William, without embarrassment, punched him among the ribs and said: “Old chap, how are you holdin’ out ?” “Look out, here ! What do you mean?” “No foolin’, old boy. Don’t you remember the agreement?” he added in an undertone. “It’s me; don’t you recognize the man what seed you jes’ now ? And then, as he fancied he saw a change of countenence, he jolted the gentlenan among the truncate ribs and exclaimed, “How are you holdin’ out?” The gentleman hauled off with an ink-bottle and knocked Bill down. The girls screamed and ran away, and Bill, as soon as he was able to regain his feet, sulked away. When he reached the hotel with his face all besmeared with ink, his betrothed ran to him, punched him in the side and said: “Hello, old chap, how are you holdin’ out?”