Democratic Sentinel, Volume 7, Number 35, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 28 September 1883 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

A mental reck—l guesstso. A lanb-lady—Mother Earth. A spreab of canvas on a vessel is for sail or to rent When a miner strikes a lode it lightens his labor. Cboquet is a cute game, but billiards is the cue-test. A photographer may be able to make a sac-simile, but scarlet fever will make a sick family.— Carl Pretests Weekly. The question is asked us if there is anything that will bring youth to a woman? Yes, indeed. An income of $20,000 will bring any number of them. “I guess that girl must be the flour of the family,” remarked the young, man who had been waltzing with her, as he essayed to brush oft* the white spot on his coat sleeve. Mulcahy says the statement that John Roach’s ship is the first iron vessel launched in America is a mistake, as Mrs. Mulcahy frequently launches iron vessels at him. “No,” said a New York belle, who had just returned from a tour of Eur rope and Egypt. “No, I didn’t go to the Red sea. Red, you know, doesn’t agree with my complexion.” At the wrong door: At the baths an impatient young man walked up to the door of one of the compartments and, knocking on the same, testily inquired'— “When in blazes are you going to get those trousers on?” There was a faint giggle and a silvery voice replied: “When I get married, I suppose.” He had mistaken the door; that’s all. She wept by the chamber window, Till her eyes were swollen and red, (It was half-past 2 in the marning) “ He comeili not,” she said. “ He told me he’d come home early. But he’s gone to the club, I suppose— The brute 1 I wish I were only a dub— I’d break myself over his nose!" —Carl Pretzel's Weekly. The widow of a distinguished professor was visited by a rather shabbygenteel sort of a gentleman, who expressed great admiration for her deceased husband, and who finally said: “I revere the memory of your husband, and would like very much to have some relic to keep and cherish. “The only relic I can offer you,” replied the disconsolate widow, sighing heavily, “is myself. If you will love and cherish me for his sake you may.” But the relic-hunter had silently stolen away before she could finish the sentence.— Texas Siftings. ON MARGIN. Only went is on a margin. Big profits looming In view. With a boom and a swelt of the market A cool million! Then he'd be through. Only the market still rising. And profits grow greater and swell, And the loot is but grasping who holds on And stoutly refuses to sell. Only a pocket depleted— Dejected, “ buster! ” and sore, And the bird that is plucked well now wishes He’d got out the sad deal before. —Philadelphia Press. Young Mr. Tremble, who is quite bright, was at a party one night and he was quite well looked at by the girls before he was introduced. After the introduction he soon caught on, and was making himself very popular. “Oh. la, Mr. Tremble,” laughed Miss Mollie at one of his witty remarks, “you remind me so much of a friend of mine.” “Indeed, Miss,” said Tremble, “in what way?” “Oh, he looked just like he hadn’t a bit of sense, but when one knew him, he was just too awfully cute for any use.”— Merchant-Traveler.