Democratic Sentinel, Volume 7, Number 34, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 21 September 1883 — ETIQUETTE AND COMMON SENSE. [ARTICLE]

ETIQUETTE AND COMMON SENSE.

The Relation* Between the Sexes Should Stand on Proud Equality. The amount and degree of unmitigated nonsense that occasionally gets itself spread abroad by and among sensible people under the disguise of being etiquette are, to say the least, somewhat Astonishing. This has no reference to that common sense and kindliness, that genial courtesy and mutual respect that under the general title of “good manners” form the minor morols of society. Nor does it mean the arbitrary rules by which society in particular communities decides to guide the walk of its members in matters of small importance. These are purely arbitrary, are founded on no particular sentiment of ideas, and vary widely with different countries and communities. To be sure, they may be, and often are, full of shoddy or sham; their observance is usually insisted upon the more strongly the more arbitrary they are; and the freedomloving individual may feel their demands to be oppressive and distasteful. But for all this there is a certain necessity of granting obedience and of submitting gracefully to “the conventions.” But aside from these things there are certain absurd ideas that get confused in some way with this kindly common sense and these formal rules, and occasionally get themselves accepted as a portion of that labyrinthine structure called etiquette. And, by way of illustration, we clip the following from an article answering the questions of several correspondents, as to what a young lady should do under certain circumstance. “Another writes to ask us if she should take a gentleman’s hat and coat when he calls. Never. Let him take care of those. Christianity and chivalry, modern and ancient custom make a man the servant of’women. The old form of salutation used by Sir Walter Raleigh and other courtiers was always, “Your servant, madam,” and it is the prettiest and most admirable way for a man to address a woman in any language. ” Now, we submit that the question of whether or not a lady should be conscious of a gentleman’s hat and coat when he calls has nothing to do with the relations between men and women. It is something to be amenable to places and circumstances and individuals. And, as for man being the servant of woman, or “the old forms of salutation,” it is all arrant nonsense. They should stand on a ground of equality, with mutual respect and admiration and regard, each gladly rendering to the other whatever service is in their power and each receiving with gratitude. It is the service which Kings and Queens render to each other, not that which courtiers give to their sovereigns. The exaggerated sentiment that fills such a form of address and such a manner of regarding the feminine sex in reality covers a great deal more contempt than it does respect. The more, a man exaggerates and talks about the exalted respect in which he holds womankind the less of the real article he has. A man who falls in with a system of etiquette that makes him consider himself “the servant of woman” may bow low, with hat in hand, and say: “Your servant, madam,” but the more he does it the more contempt he will feel for her, as he ought. For can any manly, self-respecting man abase himself before another person and see his hollow homage accepted without feeling contempt for the one accepting. Wherefore, we say that the only proper ground upon which the two sexes can stand is that of a proud equality, each seeing and reverencing the good qualities of the other.— Boston Globe.