Democratic Sentinel, Volume 7, Number 32, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 7 September 1883 — Improving a Style. [ARTICLE]

Improving a Style.

“I like to get some law-suits on a gang of young fellers,” he replied as the Chief of Police asked him what was wanted. “What do you mean?” “Vhell, I vhas shwindled und made some fools of. Vhen I tinks it all oaf er I am so madt dot I clean out my own saloon mit a glub.” “Do you want to enter a complaint?” “Vhell, I should remarks! I like to enter oufer forty complaints if I has a shance.” “Make your statement.” “Vhell, I keep a saloon on street You may have seen dot some Aidermans come to my place und vhas treated shust like Princes?” “Goon.” “It vhas Saturday eafnings. I vhas all alone. By and by some loafer comes in, but he vhants noddings. Pooty queek I has six or seven shust like like him. Ndpody vhants no beer nor pool nor dominoes, und I vhas madt!” “I am following you.” “Vhell, by and by I asks if dot crowd expects me to pay rent mit such customers, und one loafer he says: ‘Vhell, vhy doan’ you sell beer by der new game?’ So he tells me dot der new game vhas for all der gang to take a drink, und den I vhas to call in der dog from der back yard. Whichever loafer dot dog shmells of-first must pay for-all.” “Quite funny.” “Itvhas, eh ? I doan’ see it. Sometimes I vhas tickled, but not now. All der loafers said it vhas shust like dey does in New York und Boston, und I goes after der dog. ” “And he didn’t smell any of them ?” “No! But vhy? Because, vhile I vhas gone after him all dose loafers shlip avhay like grease! If dot vhas der New York und Boston vhay I vhas a fool!” “You can’t do anything,” said the chief. “Can’t I get some lawsuit?” “No.” “Can’t I has some loafers sent mit der w'ork-house ?” “No.” “Must I put up mit such shwindles like dot ?” “You must look out for them.” “Now I vhas madt like a wet hen!” exclaimed the caller, as he rose up. “I tell yod s6metings, an’ doan’ you forgot all about it! I keep my dog pehind der bar! By to-morrow some loafer yome in und vhaptp to know if.l sell beer by der New York &nd Boston thay. I let dot dog loose mit a shmile all oafer me, und vhen he shtops smelling of dot loafer you may send some boleecemens to pick up der pieces! If a dog in der back yard vhas New York and Boston style, I improve on it mit some Detroit style of a dog pehind der bar!”-—De-troit Free Presa.