Democratic Sentinel, Volume 7, Number 32, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 7 September 1883 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

[Burltngtm Hawkeye.) Some of fee farms in Ireland are strips of land only ten feet wide. That is twice as big a farm as seme men we know would if it. were given to them. A NEW novel is entitled “A Foolish Virgin." Probably she didn’t find otft until she tried it 1 that it is fee usual thing for a freckles •lotion to take fee skin along wth the freckles. , -• ~ Cheap Italian labor has run the price •of “shines” down to 3 cents. A 3-eent-shine, however, is .merely a run across 'fee toes, leaving the heels as red as sunset. Like a schdol boy’s boots on exhibition day. A man in Massachusetts was sent to reform school for breaking windows and stealing apples when he was 9 years old; then he stole a dog and went to prison when he was 11; he got out in time to set fire te a house and got two years sentence before he was 16; and picked a pocket and got run in on his 19th birthday. Before he was old enough to vote he received a sentence, and since then he has served three terms in as many prisons. It is time he quit this restless, wandering life, and found some good, quiet prison feat suited him, where he could settle down and stay. [Carl Pretzel’s Weekly.) A tight place—The bar. ’ *= A type-righter—The proof reader. Woman was maid, but man never was. Without ladies the United States would be stagnation. With dudes pumpkin blossoms ought to be a taking posey, that is, if affinity counts for anything with them. “I used to be bothered awfully with rats,” said Mrs. McGill, “but I used some corroded supplement and got rid of ’em. ” An exchange speaks of fee “tragic end of a man in jail.” If not out of place, we should like to inquire why they did not put him all in jail, ana what the general effect is when they shut the door. The Globe Democrat recently contained a half-column article upon ’* How it feels to be insane.” If a disease breaks out among the American peoplo to tell how much things strike them, every paper in the land has all it can do for fee next century. A duel is an affair of honor, settled with weapons. A prize-fight is an affair of science, settled with fists. A fracas is an affair of main strength, usually settled with whatever, comes handy. abifleth these three, but the greatest of these is the fracas. -fCbioaßO Cheek.] Preachers say croquet is.a‘wicket game. The proofreader does much -toward . lighting ‘ When a woman slams a door with force that’s On dark nights ,men .usually sigh for fee light of hther ‘days. Men never .-s one another, but they long r.fee The less woman has more comfortable, she is. - , A physician always knows where io find his patients when he loses them. It ain’t 1 every paper that can afford a funny mafi, but they all have a grapher two. A. j?ickpq,qket stole a watch right off ita ofeef ttay.‘*‘We*trdkt fed next fene'”will -be Ors fts guard Against »uqh adeidfcnfe ; The Town Council of New Haven has aslepaed ’a. tax4>fs3 against! mefi. - for 'swea^ng- i - , L^We put up on fee women to avoid putting up stoves.