Democratic Sentinel, Volume 7, Number 31, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 31 August 1883 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

[From CaH Pre tael’s Weekly.! Very intrusive—The stomach-pump. Tint belle of the ball—A target bell. A melancholy lover is usually a sigher. A salivation army—Allopathic physicians. A clock to its striker —“I need thee every hour.” , Iris not rank, nor birth, nor station that makes a man stand up to business, but a well-located boil. “All’s well that ends well," as the carpenter remarked when he put the finishing touches on a well-curb. How dobs a peacock, with brilliant tale plumage, resemble a story-writer? Both pride themselves upon their tales. The saloon man has lots of liberties. He can punch men and sling them, and even mash them, and no offense is given. He usually charges for it, but don’t like to. The old adage, “Put not your trust in Kings,” is exemplified when a royal flush or an ace-full in some other fellow’s hand gets away with your three monarchs and the “boodle." Breathes there the man with sole bo dead, , Who never hath to shoe-shop fled; And there the careless n.aker d -d I Ot boots wherdn is left a peg . To pierce veur foot and lame a leg. And then that Knight of Crispin lammed? The summit of the “kid’s” ambition is reached when his age entitles him to be placed in the' big chair by tie barber instead 4>£jlpion the foot-rest when he goes to the shop for a haircut. . '' > Oh, dori’t I remember fleet Alice, the colt, i Fleet Alice, whose hair was so brown; On whom I went -broke” when the 2-year-old cup, i . £sl6 lost when her gambrels broke down! In an old back-yard vye burled that colt, In a corner qbscure and alone; < And no more was my cash in a steeple-chase dash,- «■- id«■ '*.• - 1 i T v. * OrlnangUt<?W races • ♦ir-V [Frorn'ChiCfed'Chfeok.] 4 ' ■* w » Bad eggs 'life - the" Voice “of public sentitoeat. They speak ToUdiMf than words. They 1 - carry conviction and effluvia with them. The fashum from Faris is that in some of the dew evening toilets for women left i£. Wholly bared. i This is amg improvement over the exposition of the wish-bone. 1 ' ’ Marriage has recently made a Pennsylvania lady the mother-in-law of her brother, her daughter-in-law being older than herself. Poor thing! what a responsibility she has escaped. The story is current that a 3-year-old child was carried away up iu the air by toy balloons in North Carolina recently. This is not more probable than the woman that was carried away in this city by a blond mustache. Queer world. All the deceit iu this country is not confined to the women by a long range shot. Look at this: “The Discussion of a Family Scandal” was the subject advertised by a San Francisco clergyman. The house was crowded, and he talked about Adam and Eve. Oliver Wendell Holmes laughs at superstitious people, but he carries a horse-chestnut in his pocket as a protection against rheumatism. Oliver would laugh upon the other side of his mouth if he ever sits down upon that chestnut when it tickleth like a cactus over sloughed with its ticklers from Tickleville.