Democratic Sentinel, Volume 7, Number 30, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 24 August 1883 — STRANGE STORY. [ARTICLE]

STRANGE STORY.

Simon Boer*’ Singular Story Serloualy Scandalfadng Susan Sykes. Sometime since Simon Suggs started South, sight-seeing. Suffering slight sun-stroke, Simon sought some shady strippet. Spying Susan Sykes, symmetical seraph, sweet sixteen, sitting side some sparkling streamlet, singing sweetly siren songs, Simon stopped. Strolling silently, saluting Susan, Simon said: “Susan Sykes, sensible seclusive, selection, studying stereography, seismology, seismography, selenography?” Susan seemed surprised. Starting suddenly, she said: “Simon Suggs!” Simon said: “Sure/” She said: “ Susan’s studying steganography, Simon.” Standing side Susan, Simon said: “Sweet seraph, sing some succinct,suggestive sonnet stylishly.” Simon said something sentimental. Susan, smiling, said: “Stop such stuff, Simon.” Simon said: “Susan, swains seldom speak such sentiments sportively.” Susan seemed serious; stammering, she said: Si-Simon, Simon, speak so-softly, slo-slowly, something steals st-st-strangSly.” She swoons. Such scepes scared Simon. Supplying some specific she Soon seemed spry. Sitting supinely, Susan, soliloquizingly, said: “Silly, silly.” Simon, still solicitous, suggested: “Stop sifch speculative sophistry, Susan. Shallow sdme sweetmeats, something strengthening, substantial—soup, sandwiches, sausage, souse, jVf Susan smiled. ; “Shame, Simon 'Blaine; 'Suppose sensitive stomachs stand such: stuff?” Say-sinapism. Simon seemed so singuine sitting side Susan. She, somewhat self-willed, startled Simom Simon said: “Sweetheart, strictly speaking, suppose some sycophant should seek Susan ?” Susan said: “Should say, stop, sir; Simon Suggs, seniority, seals—” Simon stopped Susan, saying, “Splendid, splendid. Susan, say, ‘spliced.’” Susan said: “Simon, see Sykes, Sr., shortly.” •< Simon saw Sykes, Sr., said: “Seeking spouse, sir?” Sykes, Sr., said: “Susan.” Simon said: “Bo?” Sykes, Sr., said: “’Spose, so, Simon.” Simon said: “Susan, sire says, ’spose so.” Susan smiled. Simon said: “September second.” Susan said: “So.” Simon sought ’Squire Solomon Smith’s services. September second several Smiths, Suggs, Sykes, selected specially, sought Samuel Sykes, senior’s, spacious stone structure. ’Squire Smith, standing, said: Simon Suggs, Susan Sykes solemnly spliced. Simon salute Susan. Saluting Susan Simon said: “Splendid.” ’Squire Smith said: “Spondulicks, Simon.” Simon said: “So.” ’Squire Smith suggested: “Seventy shillings silver.” Simon said: “ ’Squire Smith, specie’s short. Sorry Simon’s suspended.” ’Squire Smith said: “Sportingspendthrift. ” Samuel Svkes, Sr., said socially: “Supper.” Some scrambled, several squeezed sideways, spoiling skirts, smashing spittoons, silver service. Supper served serenely, some smoked, some suggested soiree, some sought sleep. Society separated. Sincerely. S.