Democratic Sentinel, Volume 7, Number 30, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 24 August 1883 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

[From Carl Pretarf’a Weekfyd What has Random doneAhat so many people shoot at him. When a man is sentenced for twenty days in jail his days are numbered. Any tramp who attempts to steal the dose of the day, ought to be shot on the spot. Dissolving views—Looking through the bottom of a glass containing gin and sugar. Some men return home from “The Lodge” as a hunted criminal does when passing a jail. They say that bald heads and gray hairs are defects in nature’s works. The defects are more noticeable when a ballet tronpe is in town. “1 say Pat how do you like Ameriica?” “Purty well, but lam thinking about going back to Ireland.” “What’s the matter with this country?” asked his friend. “Faith and there’s nothing, but, I am going back to be ex-pat-riated.” A woman applied for a divorce, and in giving her evidence in the case averred that she had passed “many sleepless nights in tears.” The Judge granted a decree, at the same time expressed his sympathy for the man who had a wife that would tear around so much. [From Texas Siftings.] In a library: “I say, who took the * Life of Washington ?’ ” “I’ll swear I» didn’t know he was murdered. ” It is common enough for love to laugh at locksmiths, but it is a much more serious matter for marriage to laugh at the plumber. The temperance societies in considering how to treat drunkards seem to lose sight of the fact that the more they are treated the worse they ore. , “Are-trade dollars taken at par,” inquired little Rufus Botts of hjs mother. “No, but they are taken from pa, when he goes to bed with his boots on. ” One of the sionists, who visited Austin not long And feel tuat)shrinkageoftbODurso ?Ac Aa you don your last ile&n sntrtT ’ Farmers’ good things forrprptection, .against, pat-ent-gate and lightning-rod swindlers. They should be about five feet long and ’blade of stout hickory. ** 1 [From Chicago Cheek.] It has just been ascertained why Arab folded his tent at night, and silently stole away,” he was afraid the Sheriff might want him 1 ; lib lingered any longer. / M ’• ’ An old colored preachpr in Atlanta, Qa., so th§ story goes, was lecturing a youth of his fold about the sin of dancing, when the letter protested that the Bi bib plainly said “There is a time to dance.” “Yes, dar am a time to dance,” said the dark divine, “and it’s when a boy gits a whippin’ for going to a ball.” At a town in Illinois, the seats of the church had been freshly painted, and on Sabbath the paint was as green as a country pedagogue. There was a large congregation. Before opening services the minister requested Bro. Jones to “lead in prayer.” Bro. Jones colored like an Oriental sunset, but did not respond. Bros. Smith, Brown and Simpkins were in turn invited to “address the Throne of Grace,” but what was the surprise of the good man when all remained seated like graven images. To cover his embarrassment the preacher called upon the congregation to “rise and sing. ” Not one moved! He then stepped down and asked the janitor what it all meant. The janitor explained that the fresh paint held every worshipper fast to their seats. Such was the fact and services were closed amidst much merriment, and after no little trouble and some damage to wearing apparel the congregation dispered.