Democratic Sentinel, Volume 7, Number 28, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 10 August 1883 — PITH AND POINT. [ARTICLE]

PITH AND POINT.

A boarding-house keeperXtreo—’'rahl Barrels were first made in the cooper Vg®- . 4 A bob and lyin’ catches the biggest fish of the season. “ Dabbing, this potato is only hall done.” “ Then eat the other hall, love.” People talk of a visit to the saltjiea for the purpose of getting a little flesh air. When the river rises one foot what becomes of the other? It remains tide, of course. When the Arab has stolen everything else in sight he quietly folds his tent and steals away. “When a man threatens to give you a piece of his mind he wishes to destroy the peace of yours. When a young man is alone,with his best girl he is generally supposed to be “holding his own.” By a mother-in-law—“ You can deceive your guileless little wife, young man, but her father’s wife —never.” The author of the “Bit tie Brown Jug” was probably in a jugular vein, when he wrote that sometime popular ditty. A bridge over a stream in Missouri bean this legend : “ Drive over as fast as yon want to, and be dnmed I ” Everybody, therefore, drives at a walk. A Texas young man shot himself because a young lady refused to dance with him, Di his blind rage he probably mistook himself for a rival. The “utterly utter” kind of talk has infected the street gamins, one of whom, after picking up a more that usually fragrant cigar-stump, exclaimed to his friend: “Jack, this is quite too positively bully.” “ Tommy,” said a mother to her 7-year-old boy, “ you must not interrupt me when lam talking with ladies. Ton must,wait until we stop, and then yon can talk.” “ But you never stop,” retorted the boy. Pride’s fall: “Yes,” said Clara, “your Maltese cat is pretty enougfobut be can never come up to my bird.” That was all she knew about it. That kitty did come up to her bird that very day, and it was all day with the bird. “Father, did you ever have another wife beside mother ? ” " No, my boy; what possessed you to ask such a question ? ” “ Because I saw in the old family Bible where you married Anno Domini in 1835, and that isn’t mother, for ner name was Sally Smith.” A Cambridge youth wrote the following in a young lady’s autograph album : “In the chain of friendship regard me as a missing link : ” and after signing his name he added underneath by way of postscript: “But do noi mistake tiie for Darwins missing one 1 ” “ Lay off your overcoat or yop won’t feel it when you go out,” said the landlord of a Western inn to a guest who was sitting by the fire. “ That’s what I’m afraid of,” returned tho man. The last time I was here I laid off my overcoat. I didn’t feel it when I went out, and I haven’t felt it since.” “ Charlie, have you got a hooked nose?” “Yes, thirling,” answered Charlie, smiling, “Tm afraid it is a little liable to that criticism.” “ Well, I never should have noticed it,” she added, indignantly, “if that horrid Spriggs girl across the way hadn’t told me to ask you if you wouldn’t like to sell it for a syphon.” When little Minnie was 2 years old she asked for some water one night. When it was brought she said, «pa, can’t you get me some fresh water? This tastes a little withered.” Har little sister Belle had been acustomed to a light in the room, and waked in great distress, crying, “Me can't see, Aunt Jessie; my eyes are all blowed eat.” At a juvenile jartar a young geutiemaa about 7 years old kept himself from the rest of the company. The lady of the house called to him: “Come and plav and dance, my dear. Choose one of those pretty girls for your wife.” “Not much 1” cried the young cynic. * “No wife far me! Do you think I want to be worried opt of my life, like papa ?” He read in a newspaper paragraph the statement that “ The child is father to the man,” and straightway went and asked his mother if that was true? “Yes, my sou, she answered, “it may seem a little strange to you, but it’s true.” “ Well, mamma,” responded the inquisitive youth, “ why is it if I’m papa’s father that he always licks me and I never lick him ? ” The minister’s man of a certain preacher followed him up one day to close the pulpit door as usual. There was something wrong with the look, and the door would not “sneok.” John, losing his patience, said, “ I think the devil’s in the pulpit.’ Just at this moment the minister lifted his bowed head, aftl turning seriously am him, said, “ Surely, ye dinna mean me, John ? ” It was his first letter home from boarding-school, and it read as follows : Dear Father—l write you before I write ma becoz I know you like to see ma mad. I think I will get along with my lessons first-rate. The garden here is full of chickens, which makes the walking bad. In history I’ve got as far as Alexander the Great. Be carried a sword to cut knots with. There is an apple orchard half a mfle off. The boys play ball in it; after that there ain’t much apples. The minister’s son was licked this morning for going a fishing on Sunday. He caught lots of fish, and says he is going again next Sunday. I think I like the minister’s boy a good desk Sdhd me some marbles as soon as you oan, also * jack-knife and a top. Two of us boys left a piece of wet soap at the head of the stairs just before daybreak, and by the time the cook got to the bottom she was too sick to get breakfail. We have cpeysssmg’lar everyday, j and the teaohefr|aaii out of the Bible, but I don’t think it’s so bully as playing tagin a hay Mi From your affectionate son, Samuel. —Brooklyn Eagle. At fashionable weddings in England a youthful relative of the bride beau her tram. He is fimcifully dressed in the style of the era Venetian or Charles opened,