Democratic Sentinel, Volume 7, Number 28, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 10 August 1883 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

A bad coughin’ spell—C-a-s-k-e-t. It’s an ml wind that blows nothing, v Paw Paw must be quite a hand-some town. A master of free-hand drawing — a pickpocket. Ox-tail soup and head-cheese-at the same meal is where we make both ends meat.— Carl PretseVs Weekly. Jack Oldstock “We’re very proud of onr ancestry, you know." Tom Parvenu:—“Yes, I know; but bow would your ancestry feel about you.” “It is no use,” said the policeman to the sufferer whose pocket was picked, •for yod -to put a guard on your watch, anless you also keep a watch on your guard. : Move on.” A boy of 4 summers was riding on a hobby-horse with a companion. Be was seated rather uncomfortably on the horse’s neck. After a reflective pause, he saill : "I think if one of us gets off I could ride better.” “Yes,” said Mrs. Towser, as she expatiated upon the beauties of Her flower-garden, “I have given it great care, and if yon come over in a week or two I expect to be able to show you some beautiful scarlet pneumonias.” “"Why don’t you eat your soup, sir?” inquired a surly waiter at a summer resort. “Is there anything the matter with it?” “Oh, no, I guess the soup is healthy enough; it’s the transparency of the thing that affects me.— Texas Siftings. Ah exchange says that a Kentucky man fired at another and killed a $3,000 horse. The man may have repented sorely for his mistake but he will probably go to State’s prison for life. Had he shot at the horse and killed the man it would have been different, but Kentucky horse flesh is too valuable to be thus ruthlessly destroyed.—Peck’s Sun. “Abe you married ?" asked tbfe Justice of a man who had been arrested for vagrancy. “No, lam not married, but my wife is.” “No trifling with the court.” “Heaven save us! I'm not trifling with the court. I was married, but got a divorce. My wife got married again, but I didn’t; so I am not married, but my wife is.”— Texas Siftings. A well-known Chicagoan the other night very late and tried to unlock the door with his head. He explained the next day at the breakfast table by saying that the sun had fallen down on him the day before, and while in that helpless condition an army of rats tackled him; — Chicago Cheek.

There was a voungr man named DcLA Who played the bass horn In the bA He blew such a blast; That as he went past. He blew all the fruit off a s<fe. —Cincinnati Merchant and Traveler.

A poor woman was asked by a clergyman how many commandments there were. “Truly, sir,” said she, “I cannot tell.” “Why, ten,” said he. ”A fine company,” sadd she; “God bless you and them together.” “Well, but, neighbor,” said he, “do you keep these commandments ?” Ah, the Lord in Heaven bless you, sir. I am a poor woman, and can hardly keep myself, and so how can I bear the charge of keeping so many ?” • During a big thunder-shower, little Willie, who slept np stairs alone, got scared and called his mother, who came up and asked him what he was frightened about. Will admitted that* the thunder was too much for a youngster who slept alone. “Well, if yon are afraid,” said his mother, “you should pray for courage.” “Well, all right,” said Willie, an idea coming into hie head, “suppose you stay up here and pray, while I go down stairs and sleep with pa.” She didn't stay. “I would like to get a certificate of insanity,” said a man to the Asylum Commissioners. “Who do you want it for?” “Myself.” • “Are you insane?” “Crazy as a chinch.” “And you want admittance into the asylum?” “Yes, sir.” “What evidence can you give us of your insanity ?” “Evidence that you cannot dispute.” I read a threecolumn article on the tariff.” “Go to the asylum and tell the keeper. Hell admit you. In positive cases certificates are not necessary.” —ArHansavt Traveler.