Democratic Sentinel, Volume 7, Number 27, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 3 August 1883 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

Crowbar—A rooster’s sore-throat. To bk tried for his life—The henpecked husband. When an intemperate washerwoman gets more than three sheets in the wind she only half sees oyer the line. David slew. Goliath with a sling. This proves that the Philistifie was not a temperance man. The potato, with all its eyes, is the most susceptible of vegetables. It is so easily mashed. “Dootob, how do you live to be so old and rich?” “By writing prescriptions, but never taking them," was the witty and sensible reply. “So you want to obtain my consent to your marriage with my youngest daughter, Caroline?” “Yes, sir, that is my intention.” “Well, but I have got another daughter, an older one, Emily, and I have made it a rule that the man who don’t want the oldest can’t have Caroline either.— Texas Siftings. Aunt Esther was trying to persuade little Eddie to retire at sunset, using as an argument that the little chickens went to roost at that time. “Yes,” said Eddy, “but then, Aunty, the old hen always goes with them. “ “Look heah. Thomas Jefferson, dis heah’s a nice time fo’ you to be gittin' home!” growled Aunt Polly, as her boy came in long after midnight. “Oh, g’long!” retorted Thomas. “You dunno nuffin’. Habn’t yo’ neber hearn dat de darky’s hour is jes’ befo’ day ?” Two little girls met on the street and one said to the other: “I’ve put all my dolls into deep mourning, and it’s so becoming to them ! Come over and see them.” “What did you do that for?” “Oh, we had a c’lamity. Our dog got killed and there didn’t anybody care but me and them. We’ve just cried our eyes out. ” Then the other little girl said in slow, deliberate tones: “May Wilson, ain’t you lucky, though? There’s always something happening you!” Col. Percy Yeroer —“Great Csesar! another hat ? You are the most extravagant woman in Austin. Why, I believe you have got a different hat for every day in the week.” “Mrs. Yerg:er—“Why of course I have! That’s just it. I have one for every day in the week, but none for Sunday. I want an expensive one for Sunday.”— Texas Siftings. A Japanese student in this country wrote to his friend at Torkio, as follows : “There are two boating associations, called Yale and Harvard. When it rains the members read books.” That Japanese student can be terribly sarcastic without sacrificing courtesy. THINGS ARE NOT ALWAYS WHAT THEY SEEM. Only the leaf of a > osebub, That fell to the ball-room floor. Fell from the tinted cluster Of the big bouquet she wore. Quickly he stooped and seized it, " ’Tis the leafy of a rose,” said he, "Tinted with summer’s blushes And dearer ti an gold to me.” Lovely and fragrant petal. Some sweet summer night, who knows, I may have a chance to tall her -I treasure the leaf of the rose.” But when to his lips he pressed It, He mnttered In accents wroth, "The blamed thing Is artificial And made out of cotton cloth!” —Somerville Journal. “Think of the future, Lizzie; what have you to expect?” “That’s just what I’ve been doing, thinking of the future, and I expect I shall have to skip off some afternoon with Jim, get married, and say nothing to any one until it’s all over. Then you and father can go on the bridal tour, have your mad out, come home and we’ll board with you. It’s the easiest way to fix it.”—Hartford Journal. A lawyer retained in a case of assault and battery was cross-examining a witness in relation to the force of » blow struck: “What kind of a blow was. given?” “A blow of the common kind.” “Describe the blow.” “I am not good at description.” “Show me what kind of a blow it was.” “I cannot.” “You. must.” “I won’t.” The law-yer appealed to the court. The court told the witness that if the counsel insisted upon his showing what kind of a blow it was he must do so. “Do- you insist upon it?” asked the witness. “I do.” “ Well, then, since you compel me toshow you, it was this kind of a blow!” at the same time suiting the action to the word and knocking over the astonished disciple of Coke upon Littleton. When the lawyer rose to his feet ho said he did not wish to ask the witness any more questions.