Democratic Sentinel, Volume 7, Number 19, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 8 June 1883 — Artemus Ward’s Experience [ARTICLE]

Artemus Ward’s Experience

I must relate a little incident that happened to your humble servant on his return from tne war. I was walk-* ins; along the street lookin’ so gallant and gay in my brass coat and bloo buttons and other war harness, when an excited female rushed out of a house and thro wed her plump arms aroun’ my neck —which part I did not mind much, as thev were rood ones exclaiming: v “Do I behold taee once again?* “You do—and I thins yoj are holdin’ me rusher too lastly,” ssz, I tryin’ to release myself from the eceentrio female’s arms.

“Oh, hev you cum back, hey you cum back?” she cried, hangin’ to mv neck still more tightly. “Certainly I hev cum back.” sez I, or else I wudn’t be here But. sir, I don’t think I know you very muchly.” “Don’t know, your own Claretta Rosetta Belletta—she has nob sot her eyes onto for you more than two years? placing her hand onjo my shoulders and lookin’ up into my face like a dying hoss-fly—“Yes,” I see my own Alfred’s eyes, his nose, his ears, his—“ “Madam,” sez I. “excoose me, but

allow me to correct you. Es I are not mistaken, these eyes, and noses belong to myself individually, and your Alfred nevor owned them scarcely ” “Away with this farce,” says she. “You cannot deceive your Claretta; cum into the house and see your dear little son, Lincoln Burnside MoOlellan Berzpr.” It was not mu. but another man aVia wonf pfl “How old is he?” sez I, “them little Burnside Lincoln McClellan, and so 4th.”

“He’s just six months, the little darling.” “Well, madam,” sez I, “es little Lincoln Met lellan Burnside and so 4th, is only six months old an’ you* havn’t sot eves oa your Alfred for more than two years, I think thar’s a mistake some whar and I’m not your another man altogetner.” The woman shot into the house like forty, on’ that was the last of her. I pity her poor Alfred.

r A Sau Francisco firm paid the otbe day 898,400 as a duty upon one in" voice of opium, The large Invoio® was due to the fact tha in July th* duty will be increased from six doj* lars to ten dollars a pound. The Mexican War veterans of Logansport and vicinity will hold a reunion in that city tc-day.