Democratic Sentinel, Volume 7, Number 10, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 6 April 1883 — “TRUMP CARDS.” [ARTICLE]

“TRUMP CARDS.”

What Josh Billings Calls Such. I have never known a sdkond wife but what was boss ov the situashun. After a man gits to be 38 years old he kant form any new habits much; the best he kan do is to Bteer hiz old ones. Enny man who kan swap horses, or ketch fish, and not lie about it, is just az pious az men ever get to be in this world. The sassyest man I ever met iz a henpeefc husband wken he is away from home. An enthusiast is an individual who believes about four times as much az he can prove, and he can prove about four times az much as any bodey believes. The dog that will follow ’ anybody ain’t wuth a cuss. Those people who are trieing to get to heaven on their kreed will find out at last that they didn’t have a thru ticket. Too long courtships are not alwuss judicious; the party’s often tire out skoreing fore the trot begins. One quart ov cheep whisky (the cheaper the better), judiciously applied, will do more business for the devil than the smartest deadon he has got. I don’t rekoleot doing enny thing that I was just a little ashamed ov but what somebody rememl>ered it, and waz sure once in a while to put me in mind ov it. Young man, learn to wait; if you undertake to sett a hen before she is ready, you will lose your time and confuse the hen besides. Nature seldom makes a phool; she simply furnishes the raw.materials and lets the fellow finish the job to Buit himstlf. Mohammed had fits, and in one of them he fancied that he was inspired. Hence came Mohammedanism. It cannot be said in this connection, “Ex ni-