Democratic Sentinel, Volume 7, Number 8, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 23 March 1883 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

The reason some of the street-lamps burn all night is because the light is so small it is afraid to go out alone in the dark. - Chicago News. The cheapest way to purchase—Buy the yard.—Ex. Not at all. Buy the house and the seller will throw in the yard.— Norris town Herald. At a public banquet the lion of the evening is usually received with three cheer and * tiger. This shows that he stands hyena crowd of giraffes. A man at Omaha found $3 on the street, and he advertised the find to the extent of $7, and made the looser foot the bill. It is sometimes disagreeable to meet with an honest man. Ndbbs—“The policeman in my neighborhood is a trump, I tell you. You can always find him walking his beat at night.” Tibbs—“That’s possible; he may be a somnambulist.” Ball dresses will come quite low this season.— London Queen. Don’t go off, now, order a half-dozen; the above statement does not refer to the price.— Cincinnati Saturday Night. The moralist says: “Every man is occasionally what he ought to be perpetually.” Then, again, some men are perpetually what they ought to be occasionally.—New Orleans Picayune. Mamma—“Why are you always beating your doll? That isn’t nice.” Elsa —“Yes it is. I must beat the doll, because I don’t want papa to tell me, as he always tell you, that I am spoiling my child.”

A lady taking tea at a small company, being very fond of hot rolls, was asked to have another. “Really, I cannot,” she modestly replied: “I don’t known-'how many I have eaten already.” “I do,” unexpectedly cried a juvenile upstart, whose mother had allowed him a seat at the table. “You’ve eaten eight; I’ve been countin’ I” At a restaurant a steady customer orders two soft-boiled eggs. The waiter promptly returns with two hard-boiled eggs. “If you had served these eggs up to a new customer, sir,” he would have thrown them at your infernal stupid head.” “Yes, sir; I know sir,” replies the waiter, smilingly; “but I wouldn’t have done it, sir; I’d have been more careful, sir?’

It never rains but it pours. A Newport visitor, after a long struggle, managed to get a foothold in society, «and all of a sudden found that she had been invited to nine dinner-parties, all on the same evening. Utterly unable to decide which to accept, she sat down and had a good cry over it, and that made her eyes and nose so red that she was ashamed to go to any. She was asked what she thought of one of her neighbors of the name of Jones, and with a know-ing look replied: “Why, I don’t like to say anything about my neighbors, but as to Mr. Jones, sometimes I think, and then again I don't know, but after all, I rather guess he’ll turn out to be a good deal such a sort of a man as I take him to be. — San Francisco News-Letter. A German banker, for his services to his Governmant in arrrnging a loan, is created a Baron, and prepares to take a walk abroad, accompanied by his son and heir. According to custom, the young man respectfully takes his place on his sire’s left. “You may walk on the right side,” says the new Baron ceremoniously; “you have one titled ancestor more than I.” And, as his heir seemed surprised at this statement, he adds majestically, “I am that titled ancestor, sir!”

A musical man, accompanied by a hand-organ and a child, has been giving street performances for the past week on the streets of Austin. After he had twisted one of the Beethoven, soul-stir-ring symphonies out of the instrument of torture, the artist sent- the child among the crowd. A legislator, who had just voted on the fixing of the per diem of the members, disgorged a nickel. “I vants anoder nickel,” lisped the child. “What for?” “Dot nickel you put in vas for de moosic, but mine fodder ish a professional peggar, pesides.”— T x is Siftings. It is that cute little boy Tom who is accused this time. He was permitted by his mother to make a silent prayer. The time •which he occupied in kneeling appeared to decrease each night, until it was such an instantaneous drop and rise that his mother exclaimed: “Why, Tom, how can you be so wicked as to deceive your mother? You know you did’nt have time to make a prayer.” “But I did mamma; I know I did. “But you were not on your knees a quarter of a minute.” “But I said one to myself, mamma.” “Well, Tom, what did you say?” “I said, mamma, ‘Lord, thou knowest? ”