Democratic Sentinel, Volume 7, Number 4, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 23 February 1883 — Not the Only Fool. [ARTICLE]

Not the Only Fool.

Judge Peter Dombey attended the inaugural ball, and he enjoyed himself so much that about midnight it took four men to bring him in a hack and a comatose condition to his wife. She, thinking from the looks of him that he had a rush of blood to the head, sent for the physician, who investigated the patient carefully, and then directed that the family pastor be sent for at once. In a short time the clergyman was bending over the conch of the dying reveler. The clergyman was in the midst of an earnest prayer when he smelt a rat, or rather the aroma of whisky. “I think,” said the clergyman, “that onr friend has already had more spiritual consolation than is good for him.” “Yes, he is drunk,” calmly replied the physician. “Why, then, did yon send for me ?” “Because, yon see, I didn’t care to be the only fool on this sad occasion.”— Texas Siftings.

Major Gale Faxon bought a horse from the pastor of an Austin church, and shortly afterward the following conversation was heard: “Yon have swindled me with that horse you sold me last week.” “How so?” asked the clergyman, very much surprised. “Well, I only had him for three days when he died.” “That’s very strange. I owned him twenty-three years, and worked him hard every day, and never knew him to do that while I owned him.— Texas Siftings. Indorsed by the Clergy. We take pleasure In recommending Dr. Warner’s White Wine of Tar Syrup to the public, especially to any public speaker who may be troubled with throat or lung diseases. Rev. M. L. Booheb, Pastor Presbyterian Church, Reading, Mich. Rev. J. T. Iddings, Albion, Mich. Rev. Y. L Lockwood, Ann Arbor, Mich. Bold by all druggist*. When rain falls, if she gets the bigger half of the umbrella, they are lovers; if he takes the bigger half, they are married. Charlatans and Quacks Have long plied their vocation on the suffering pedals of the people The knife has pared to the quick; caustic applications have tormented the victim of corns until the conviction shaped Itself—there’s no cure. Putnam’s Painless Cobn Extbactob proves on what a slender basis public opinion often rests If you suffer from corns get the Extractor and you will be satisfied. Sold everywhere Wholesale, Lord, Stoutenburgh A Co., Chicago. When is a man like the woman of Bamaria ? When his wife tells him “all things he has ever done” Free to All Ministers of Churches. I will send one bottle of White Wine of Tar Byrup, gratis, to any minister that will recommend it to his friends after giving it a fair test, and it proves satisfactory for coughs, colds, throat or lung diseases Respectfully, Dr. C. D. Wabneb, Reading, Mich. Sold by all druggists The man who was “six feet to his stockings” probably wore the garter around his neck. Good health is the greatest of fortunes; no remedy has so often restored this prize to the suffering as Hood’s Sarsaparilla Try it “I dess I know what memory is,” said a little 4-year-old. “It’s de ting I fordet wid.” Gxbls, like opportunities, are all the more to you after being embraced. Personal t—To Men Onlyt The Yoltaic" Belt Co., Marshall, Mich., will send Dr. Dye’s Celebrated ElectroYoltaic Belts and Electric Appliances on trial for thirty days to men (young or old) who are afflicted with nervous debility, lost vitality and kindred troubles, guaranteeing speedy and complete restoration of health and manly vigor. Address as above. N. B. No risk is inourred, as thirty days’ trial is allowed. * Mensman’b Peptonized Beep Tonic, tho only preparation of beef containing its entire nutritious properties. It contains bloodmaking. force-generating and life-sustaining properties; invaluable for Indigestion, dyspepsia, nervous prostration, and all forms of general debility; also, in all enfeebled conditions, whether the result of exhaustion, nervous prostration, over-work, or acute disease, particularly If resulting from pulmonary complaints. Caswell, Hazard & Co., proprietors, New York. Bold by druggists. Thousands upon thousands of bottles ot Carboline, a deodorized extract of petroleum, have been sold, and from all over the land comes one universal cry, “Carboline. as now improved and perfected, is the best hair restorer ever used.” Sold by all druggists. Ladies or gents out of work furnished with steady, lucrative employment at home. Bend 3-cent stamp, for particulars, to Agents’ Furnishing Co., P. 0. Box No. 1060, Topeka, Kan. The Howe Scales have all the latest improvements. It is true economy to buy the best. Borden, Selleck A Co., Agents, Chicago, 111. Jiheuinatism Quickly cured! Bend stamp for free presotipt’n, R. K. Helphenstine, Washington,D.C. Get Lyon’s Patent Heel Stiffeners applied to new boots or shoes before you run them over. Tky the new brand, Spring Tobacco. Dose Cup. Advertisem’t in another column.