Democratic Sentinel, Volume 6, Number 51, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 19 January 1883 — A Leg on a “Tear.” [ARTICLE]

A Leg on a “Tear.”

Major Todd, of our place, lost his right leg at the battle of Fredricksburg, and some time ago he purchased an artificial leg from a man in Washington. ■lt contained a system of springs, which enabled the Major tp use it in such a mtural manner that when he was walking along the street nobody would for a noment supposed that he had not bothof his own legs. On Sunday, while the Major was on his way to church, he slipped up on the ice and gave the store leg a severe wrench. He must have dislocated some of the springs; for after reaching the clmrcli and taking his seat, and while the clergyman was reading the Scriptures, the leg suddenly flew up and rested on tho back of the seat in front of him. The congregation looked at him in amazement, and he grew very red in the face. As soon as he took it down it jumped up again and wiggled about on the back of the pew, finally kicking Mrs. Thompson’s t onnet to rags. Then the Major suppressed it again, and held it down, but it instantly began a convulsive movement in his own pew, during which it upset the stools, plunged around among the hymn books and hats, and hammered the board beneath the seat until it made such a racket that the minister had to stop. The sexton came rushing in to find out what was the matter, and the Major, after explaining the difficulty in a whisper, asked the sexton to let him lean on him while he. charged on the front door. As soon as the Major got into the aisle that dislocated leg kicked the sexton sixteen or seventeen times in a most insolent manner, varying the exeroises by making eccentric swoops off to one side, during which it kicked eight of the high hats at the pew doors into black silk chaos. By the time the Major reached the vestibule the leg had become perfectly reckless. It flew up before and it flew np behind. It butted against the good leg and darted out sidewise, and described circles, and tried to insert its toes into the Major’s coat-tail pockets, and to whack him on the nose. When the sexton came with the hack and put the Major in it, the leg banged through the window glass, and when the driver got down to see about it, the leg brandished itself in his face, and concluded the exex-cise by planting a terrible blow in his stomach. Then the Major told the driver he wonld give him ten dollars to take the leg off and the driver accepted the offer. For several minutes it eluded all his efforts to catch it as it danced about, but finally he got hold of it and hung on while the Major tried to unbuckle the straps. Then it came off and rolled the driver in the mud. He got up to watch it. It writhed and kicked and jumped and throbbed and hopped; and whenever it would make a dash to one side or the other the crowd wonld scatter in order to give it full play. Finally Ben. Woolley set his dog on it, and a most exciting contest ensued, the leg two or three times running off with the dog; and it seemed likely that the dog would get whipped. Mr. Woolley got a crowbar and aimed a blow at the leg with the intent to smash it. But he missed it and nearly killed the dog. As soon as the dog retired, Mr. Woolley whacked it again and burst it into flinders, and then there was peace. The major drove home and got his crutches, and since then he lias confined himself to the use of a wooden leg without springs.— Banqor Messenger.