Democratic Sentinel, Volume 6, Number 51, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 19 January 1883 — LITTLE STORIES. Froin the Denver Tribune. [ARTICLE]

LITTLE STORIES. Froin the Denver Tribune.

A Man, having been seized by the Small Pox hung out a Red Flag iu Front of his House, whereupon the Neighbors kept Away from him apd Permitted him to Die in the Firm Conviction that Honesty was the Best Policy. 11. A small boy was once Chded by his Venerable Grandmother because he Prefered lying abed to Going to Sabbath School. “Grandmother, "said the boy, “the Christmas and Santa Claus season have Passed, I have Concluded not to Worry any More about my Immortal Soul’s Welfair until just Before the 8u :day School picnic Season recurs.

111. A Thermometer once was Observed in a State of Excessive Agitation. “Why. my friend,” inquired the Eight day Clock, "why are you so Perturbea?”“Because,” replied the Thermometer, “I apprehend that I am no Longer Capable of Performing my Functions. At the present moment I am Registering forty Degrees above Zero, when I Bhould be Several Degrees Below.” “Oh. no. I guess Not,” said the Eight day Clock. “Yes I am Co .fldeut of it,” persisted the Tnermometer, “for from my Position iu this \Vindow I just Overheard a Policeman Decline a drink and it must be a Cold Day when such a Phenomenon 0 3Cur8 -” lv. A bent pin from his Position in a chaii once Beheld the Basement of a Pants hard by, “Pray be Seated,” said the Bent Pin, cordially. ”You will Have to Excuse me,” replied the Basement, “for however Muon pleasure I can not bear the Thought of Inflicting pain upon the annble gentleman who has just Redeemed me from his Uncle.” It is Needless to State that the Bent Pin hung its head in shame, while the Basement moved on in the Proud Consciousness t f having exhibited a i ender Re gard for another’s Feelings v. And Impressario Approached a Mule and offered him Advantageous Terms to become a Prima Donna, “Alas,’’quoth the Mule, with a Sigh, “That it is an Impossibility, for though I have a Ear for music, my Voice is Sadly Attune J.” “But yo* can Kick?" inquired the Impressario. “At kicking,” admitted the Mule, “I urn Positively Peerless.” “Then,” exclaimed the Impressario, “You havq the Highest qualification of a Prima Donna. Consider yourself engaged. ” VI. A foolish Showmaa once Advertis*. ed for the Following Curiosities: a Printer who carried Tobacco, a Negro Ministrel who Did not wear a Plug Hat, a Woman who did Wash her Face with a Rag, and Editor who Had Ten Dollars in a Dog whose Hind Legs were in Plumb with nis Fro..t Legs, a Business Manager who did not Consider the editors Bobbers, and a Pair of Shoes that were too Small for the Lady who Wore them. The foolish Showman died a Death of Bitter Dissapoint ment. vn

An Aiabian Steed.'having been Endowed by Nature, with long Ears and a Paint Brush Tail, did not Re** pine, but on the Contrary bore his L-t with Philosophic Fortitude. “How much Better Fixed am I ” said he. “than Most Men. for Some of them live where there are no Flies while others, residing wncre Flies Abound, have no Tails with which to Brush them away.” By this Narrative of Cohtenment we are instructed that Nature Made a Mistake in not Pros viding iH-trU with Tails, and Flies to Keep them Busy.

V ■ VII. ; \ A child having Sustained horizontal Relations with His mother’s jjap was heard to Philosophically remark that Spankings not only Developed the Botton facts of a Slippers usefullness but also Aflorded the Spankee an admirable Opportunity of ap* predating the Beautiful and Wondrous lutricacies of the carpet pattern. IX; A Humorist was once Galled into the Presence of the Managing Editor and Solemaly Reproved for the Dullness ot bs Wit. “Your jokes,” quoth the Editor, “are so Bad that I am Daily Compelled to Priut them in that Nondescript, department entitled “Pearls of Thought.”

Pbtkbson’s Magazine for February is such a beautiful number, that many persons will think it even better than the January one. The principal steel-plate, “Going to School.” Is “specially onanlog; and “Two Little Pussies," printed on in', is only less se. Then there are four colored designs in embrv-idery for D’Oyleys; and double 6ize colored., steel fashion plates; a beautifully, illustrated story; and aboutflfly other embellishments. The “Prefessioual Beauty,” by 7 Frank Lee Benedict, is continued, with increasing Interest. Bur the most striking story in the number, oue of the most striking we have read set a long while, is, “The Beaks Charmer.” Tnis, like all the other stories, in “Peterson,” is original aud by an American author! a fact that can be said of hardly any oth«r of the monthlies. The price of this magizine is but two dollars a year, with great, reductions to clubs so that every indy can afford to subscribe to it; and certainly no lady, no family, ought to be without it. Its enormous circulation, in which, we believe, itjexcels all the other ladies’ books combined, can alone explain why so splendid a magazine can be furnished at so low a price. Now by-tbe-by, is the very time to subscribe for the new Specimens .are sent gratis to those wishing to »inscribe. or to get up clubs; and especially handsome premiums are given for-getting up clubs. Address, Petkbson’s Magazine, 306 Chestnut St., Philadelphia. Mr. Frank Smith, of Indianapolis, says: “Brown’s Iron Bitters com, pletely eared me of heartburn.”