Democratic Sentinel, Volume 6, Number 18, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 2 June 1882 — Knee Breeches. [ARTICLE]

Knee Breeches.

We devoutly hope that the above style of garment will not become the proper thing in dress. Nature has not specially designated us as the proper figure to fill out a pair of knee breeches, and an allwise Providence did not select us as the man to wear a close-fitting wardrobe. This is the only striking difference between ourself and the lamented Washington, deceased. In-the first place, it is a moral impossibility for us to maintain a friendly feeling and a close relation between our knee breeches and stockings. A garter that would be tight at the knee generally slides down over the concave calf and hangs on the instep like the interfering machine that a trotting horse wears. The garter has always been a mystery, a snare, and a delusion to us. It does not match our complexion. Once we wore knee breaches and long white stockings at a masquerade. Later we took off the mask because it was hot and uncomfortable, and because it was a hollow mockery. When a man has a knee joint like the sheet-iron elbow of an old-fashioned stovepipe and a calf like a lead pencil, it is useless for Jiim to mask his face. Knee breeches are made for men who are aesthetic, and who walk a good deal. Sedentary men either get too fat or too lean, and they do not create a good impression in this style of garment. Then, toe, the foot should have a symmetrical shape in order to match this kind of apparel. A flat, long foot with abnormal heels and stupendous bunions on it does not fit this peculiar garb. It looks out of place and stii generis, as it were.

Another reason for strong opposition on the part of the press relative to the knee pants is the fact that the ladies, who are now rapidly adopting the modern changes in men’s apparel, will, of course, take up with this one. We do not feel, as a husband and father, like enlarging upon this aspect of the matter. We never can write about any subject when we are in pain. We must still this heartache before we can proceed. ****** * To resume: We deem it bad enough for mankind to wear pantaloons that bag at the knee when we sit down, without embracing a garment which will open at the knee like a Soldene smile when we take a chair. Knee breeches can meet with no cordiality on our part. We cannot hold out our hand in friendly, heart-felt welcome to a wardrobe that makes a slim man look like the memory of a lost cause.— Bill Nye.