Democratic Sentinel, Volume 5, Number 49, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 6 January 1882 — Tom Corwin's Last Joke. [ARTICLE]

Tom Corwin's Last Joke.

Private Dalzell, in a communication to the Cincinnati Commercial, relates a conversation between himself and General Garfield in 1877, on the humorous phase of Tom Corwin’s life : “ General,” said I, “ was Tom Corwin a happy man ? Did he enjoy life as wdl as most great men do General Garfield replied: “ I hardly know how to answer. What were his thoughts in the solitude of h:s own room, especially in his latter years, I can not say, but I am inclined to think they were sad enough. He was in a measure a disappointed man. Ho was possessed of great powers, and he was fully conscious of that fact. He may have felt that if he had exerted his talents in other ways than he had been accustomed to do, he might have reached a more solid fame, and possibly greater offices. Ido not know. But Ido know he sometimes said as much to me in his calmer moments. But in a trice he was off aga'n with his yarns that set and kept the whole company in a constant roar of laughter. He once told me how he got into Congress the first time. He was nominated apd had no more idea of an election than the dead. But he went out to canvass on horseback, through the settlements from log cabin to log cabin, and solicit votes. His competitor was almost sure of election, for the district was strongly with his party. “One night Corwin stopped at a log hut, where all the family ate, slept and lived in the only room in the house, after the simple habits of that day. The occupant was a Democrat, and OorWin said he never dreamed of getting his vote. But that night, as they gathered round the fireside, he asked fne fellow if he knew Mr. , his competitor. ‘ Wall,’ replied the farmer, ‘ I rather guess I do —l’ll never vote for him. ’ This was a sensation to Corwin. He was now on the trail of something that might prove beneficial in his canvass—something he might use at his next meeting to set the house in a roar. % “May I ask your reason for not voting for him ?’ said Mr. Corwin, ‘ I am sure Mr. is a good old Locofoco.’ ‘I didn't keer for that,’ replied Tom’s host, ‘he kin never get my vote. No man that wears a woman’s gown of nights kin ever have my vote.’ This the old fellow said as solemnly as possible, and without a smile. Tom’s quick penetration took the point, and with a visage heavy with mock gravity, while he was choking back the laughHhat the comic situation provoked, Tom said, ‘ He wears a woman’s gown, does he, eh ? Just think of it—a woman’s gown! A pretty candidate for Congress.’ ‘Yaas,’ said the old lady, who sat knitting in the chimney corner, and raising her spectacles, she looked up from her knitting,, and in a solemn tone, said : ‘Yaas, Mr. Corwin, that be the God Almighty s truth, es my old man ever told de truth in. his life. I seed him put on thatfaif* dratted gown, and es you believe me, it had a tail as long as my gown, too,’ and the old lady looked fierce. Not a smile appeared on any face. Tom. said he was dying to have a good laugh over it. But the fun of the whole thing was its absolute sobriety and ludicrous solemnity. ‘Waal,’ drawled the old man, ‘you see it was this way : He was here one night jist as you be to-night, and mam and 1 wont into that ’ar bed right there, and he into this bed right here. Afore he got in he stooped down as if he was a gwine topray. “ Hisht,” sez I, “mam, our Congressman is kinder pious. ” Jist then he opens his saddlebags and I peeped out to see what it was. And I’ll be goll darned if it wasn’t a woman’s shirt with a tail a mile long, and into it he dim and popped into bed and jist looked like ole woman for all the world. ’ “ ‘ You and I,’ droned the farmer, ‘ Mr. Corwin, works hard all day in our ole shirts and they is all-fired sweaty sometimes, but we thinks nothin’ of sleepin’ in ’em. But that darned cuss is so aristocratic that he hez to put on airs and kerry his wife’s shirt arpnnd with him, and sleeps in hit, darn him. I’ll never vote for no sich man. ’ Tom had it He slept little that night. Next day he went forth on his errand of drumming up a crowd for his night meeting. At the meeting he opened thus : “My friends, ft was thought there was no issue in this campaign. I know my opponent claims there is none. But I tell you there is. It is a very solemn one, too. It is the Shirt-tail issue.” And then he went on, amid peals of laughte r to tell the ston|r, and carried the crowd with him. Night after night he told that yarn to crowds, who serenaded it with yells of laughter. Tom carried the district and went to Congress. “ While Tom Corwin was telling that very story,” said General Garfield, “ and just as he reached the climax and was on his feet vociferating that comical speech about the shirt, his head drooped a little, his countenance turned ashey, and he started to fall, but I caught him in my arms, and so Tom Corwin died!'