Democratic Sentinel, Volume 5, Number 43, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 2 December 1881 — The First Fellow She’d Had. [ARTICLE]

The First Fellow She’d Had.

’Twas a dull, heavy evening ; the light of the dozen gas jets along the street only served to make the haze and fog visible. The clock just tinkled forth the hour of nine, and with the usual remark that “ ’twas time honest folks were abed,” old McGunnigiggle trudged-on* upstairs, followed by the aged partner of his sorrows and searcher for his joys. “ Don’t you young folks sit up till the morning paper comes, this time, ” shouted she over the banister. “ No-o-o,” replied a sweet voice from the parlor; “we won’t, wiu we?” said she in an undertone. “ Not if I know it,” was the reply. “If the old folks are going to be as sour as this, I guess I’ll skip now,” and he reached for his hat. “See here!” and the girl’s eyes gleamed with earnestness; “you’re the first fellow I’ve had, and you’ve got to put down that hat and set up and court me in good shape. I’m homely, I know, but I can build better bread, iron a bosom shirt handsomer, knit a pair ol stockings quicker, and make one dollar and thirty-seven cents go further than any girl in the village. Them’s my recommendations.” “ That suits me exactly,” and his hat flew into a corner, and that evening the details of the wedding were all arranged. He depended on a girl as smart as that tc get the be.-t of the old folks.

Dr. Pierce’s “Golden Medical Discovery” has become so thoroughly established iu public favor that were it not for the forgetfulness of people it would not be necessary to call attention to its power to cure consumption, which is scrofula of the lungs, and other blood diseases, as eruptions, blotches, pimples, uloers and “ liver complaint.”

The old proverbs are great things. At least some folks think they are. One of them says : “A man cannot bite the bottom out of a frying-pan without smutting his nose.” Now what is there clever or remarkable about that? If it had said that a man cannot bite the bottom out of his nose without smutting the frying-pan, or that a man can’t bite the smut off the pan without frying his nose, or something like that, there would be something to it to interest and instruct. —Lowell Citizen.

“ For two years I was a great sufferer from Kidney Complaints. I was unable to attend to my business, and was comfortable only when lying down, at times being in so great distress that I could rest neither night nor day. I had several doctors, but received no benefit from any. I tried about all the medicines advertised for Kidney Complaints, but experienced no relief. Having heard of the wonderful effects of Mrs. Pinkham’s Vegetable Compound in Female Complaints, and knowing that it was advertised as a remedy for Kidney Complaints, I tried it and began to improve" before the first bottle was taken. I continued the use of the Compound, and In less than three months I was perfectly well, and have not been troubled since. I oonsider it the greatest remedy for Kidney Complaints ever yet discovered. J. P. Howard, No. 29 Park Street, Lynn, Mass. “ Will you please insert this obituarynotice?” asked an old gentleman of a Binghamton editor. “I make bold to ask it because deceased had a great many friends about here who’d be glad to hear of his death.” —Elmira Telegram. The physical ills which are peculiar to women are seldom mentioned, either in conversation or through the press, through false modesty ; and yet the percentage of these diseases are bn the increase. Thousands of women to-day cherish grateful remembrance of the Vegetable Compound, which is prepared by Mrs. Lydia E. Pinkham, of this city. We learn that more of this preparation is sold in this city than is sold of any other medicine ; and all the world should know of its curative effects. See advertisement in another column.—-Lynn. Transcript,