Democratic Sentinel, Volume 5, Number 43, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 2 December 1881 — Union Skraps. [ARTICLE]

Union Skraps.

Roads rather rough. Weather pleasant to-day. Health generally good. Quite a snow last evening. Mr. Michael Schultz is erecting a new barn. Nick Guss ht s been appointed “section boss” on railroad. The Teachers’ Institute was organized with Wm. Cooper as President, and Jennie Gant as Secretary. James Pierce and Austin Lakin re port the toads between Jasper City and Oaktown as being rather rough. Our friend Charles, son of B. WHarrington, has a hankering for Jasper City. What’s the attraction, Charlie? ' Mr. Levi Hodge is erecting some new buildings on his farm at present. Levi is a first-rate farmer, and, by the way, a good Democrat. The Jasper City Literary and Debating Society elected the followng officers at the last meeting; President. David W. Shields; Vice Pres’t, C.C. Cooper; Secretary, Jennie Gant; Treasurer, Christena Pettee. County Superintendent D. B. Now els visited the schools of Union this week. Owing to bad roads he “took it a foot,” not however until he had purchased a huge pair of rubber boots, about No. , well we’il not continue the subject at present. GRAPE-ISLAND. Nov. 26.1881.

But 400 of the biblically historical oedars of Lebanon are left. The Boston' Globe says that gamblers are betting tha. Guiteau wili not be hanged. When two women with new hats on pass each other on the street there is a pair of back stares built immediately. Bob Ingersoll is about to prove there is no hell for the star route swindlers. Classically speaking, Bad Bob thinks “Sic itur ad astra.” “Amerioa,” says an Englishman, “is a country where a man’s statement is not worth two cents unless backed up with an offer to bet you ten dollars.” The Karo or Polit.cs We Have.— The rebellion continues to be put down, and the oppressed slave to be emancipated.—Springfield Republican. When the Ohioago man saw Niagara he shed tears. “Durn it,” he said; I ain’t liar enough to describe it and make it out bigger than it is. “I’m floored.” - “Whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn the other to him also,” is a biblical expression. In modern parlance it is termed “a reversi ble cuff” Rtf a man is quiok tempered you had tier go to the other side of the road until the paroxysm is over- if he is sullen go to the other side of the street and stay there,—New York Herald. A sarcastic Georgia editor, in noticing a fair which recently came off in Macon,says: “One of our cotemporaries took a very valuable premium but a meddlesome official put it right book where he took It from.” Damascus is the oldest city in the world, and the street called Straight, in which it is said Saul prayed, still runs through the city, and the yearly caravans come and go to the place just as they did one thousand years ago. The North American Review, which has heretofore boine the imprint of D. Appleton & Go., will do so no more, the Appletons objecting—so it is said —to the publication of Col It. G. Ingersoll’a article, which appealed in the last number. “Twelve pence make one shilling,” ■aid the schoolmaster, “Now go on sir! Twenty shillings make one—what?” “They make one mighty glad these hard times.” replied the boy* and the teacher, who hadn’t received’ his last month’s salary, concluded that the boy was about right

lt is rumored . that “Me too” Platt will succeed Robertson as collector of the port of New York. Verily! Robertson’s was a brief triumph, and Platt may well exclaim. “Now is‘the winter of my discontent made glorious summer by the son of New York. “Father, did you ever'have another wife besides mother?” “No, my boy, whar possesstirr you to ask such a question?” “Because I saw in the old family Bible where you married Anno Domini in 1835, and that isn’t mother, for he*r name was Sally Smith.”

It may be safely concluded that Grant has lost his -rip on the Presidential nomination. The Indianapolis Journal. a fi.nite.iii “Stalwart of tho Stalwarts” has hoisted the name of Chester A.- Arthur for a second terra. Poor Grant will have to make another trip around the world and have his fi tends get up another boom for him while he is gone.

William Brown, a colored man, of Richmond, Yu.,, is mourning for his daughter, Mary Saunders, who ran away from home a few days ago. He inserted an advertisement in a Richmond. newspaper offering $5 reward (qr the -apprehension, of the girl, and gave this remarkable description of the run away: “The girl is of a dark ginger-bread cplor, about 12 years old, with a bushy head of hair, and full eye brows.” The Presidential bulletins made oue think of the sailot whose ship-mate-was knifed in a row on shore.— They went to the hospital next day to see how their messmate was getting along. Ben Bobstay went in to ask about him, receh ep a true statement of his case from the surgeon, and came out with a solemn face. ‘Good Lord, mates,” ha.said, “Jack’ a dead man. The Latin part of his bowels is all cut to thunder.”

Miss Benson feared that Randall* who was wooing her at Mount Vernon. Ohio, already had a wife. She waited until he made a formal proposal of mani a go, and then applied to u justice for his arrest on a charge of bigamy Being told that tbecrime of bigamy required a double marriage, she kept her secret, let the engagement result in a wedding, and then triumi.haq.tly sent him to jail immediately after the cetemony. The St. Louis Republican remarks: “If the Republicans think they can make anything by manufacturing a state out of Dakota territory, we beg to remind them that they haven’t got that sort of a game all in their own .hands. Democratic Texas has the sovereign and reserved right to make of itself five states without asking congressional consent, and can easily conterbalance any Republican gain by making a state out of Dakota.”

Henry Clark, of Praltsburg, New York, married against his father’s wishes and was shown the door. He thereupon leased thirty acres of good land, which he put in potatoes, doing all his work himself. The thirty acres, have yielded him four thousand bushels, eight hundred bushels of which he sold for SBOO, and the remainder of the crop bringing him 80 cents per bushel, or a total sura of $2,360,. with a net profit, after ded.uc.ting ail ex penses, of s2.7oo—more than his father has made in two seasons off. four times the amount of ground cultivated.

Among the many needed reforms, the first, according to the New York S' n, is to “abolish the internal revenue establishment. Scud the collect* ors, inspectors, detectives, clerks, and all other servants of the same back to private life and to the usefulness of productive industry. Abolish all in ternal revenue taxatiou. It was imposed in order to carry on the civil war. That mighty struggle was finished nearly seventeen years ago. Tho vast debt which it created is in a great measure paid off. Now is the right time to repeal all laws imposing internal revenue taxes!”

Bob Toombs is as notorious for his hospitality as for being one of the most rabid of the unreconstructed rebels. Not long since it was oreposed to build a hotel in Washington, Ga., where he lives, and a committee called upon him for a suneeription.— “What the hell do you want of a hotel in Washington?” he cried. “Eyery respectable person who comes to town puis up with Bob Toombs and is welcome, and every disrespectable person leaves town because he oan not put up anywhere.” Such being the ease the project was abandoned.— Atlanta (Ga.) Constitution.

The following is said to have been uttered by Readjuster Mabone, of Virginia, the man who carries Presidin' Arthur and the Republican party in his breeches pockets: “As to the full and final payment or liquidation of the present enormous National debt, he that knows ..the American people and utter deficiency in the high>,qualities of truth and integ rity knows that such an expectation is but an idiot’s dream.. For ourselves, wo shall rejoice when the crash comes* It is a debt contracted in the prosecution of an infamous and Hinneees sary war. And Repuplicans endorsed the sentiments and coalesced with him.

The Wabash Courier poes for the great Republican financier, John Sherman, of Obio, in this wise: “John Snerman may be a vertable statesman, but it is certainly a fact that he cannot distinguish between three hundred pounds of candles and a hogshead of lemonade. At .least the expense of the Treasury Department while Sherman was on deck, shows that a hogshead of lemonade was paid for as tnree hundred pounds of candles. It’d a wonder that a man as innocent as John Sherman isn’t picked up and bled every day by prize package fiends and lightning rod peddlers. Yet we have never heard of John biting at either of the above swindles.”

Smart Lawyer and Cute Witness.--A young lawyer of the city of Providence tells a story about himself which is good enough to go on record; He was trying a “riim case” at Bristol not long ago, when a,witness was put on the stand to'testify to the reputation of the place in question. This witness, a stage driver, in .answer to a querry as to the reputation of the place, replied “A rum shorn? The lawyer inquired, "You say it has the reputation oi being a rum shop?”— “Yes,sir.” “Who di(Lyou everhe*F say it was a rum shop?'” The witnegfc did not recollect of any one hear say so. “What,” said the fewyer,: you have sworn this place Ims the of being a rum shop and yet you can’t tell of any one ’irou heard say so ?” The witness was Staggered for a moment—in the words of the lawyer, “I had him”-and the lawyer was feeling triumphant, when the witness gathered himseif together, and quietly remarked, addressing the lawyer “Well, you havp the reputation of being a very smart lawyer, but I never heard any one say so.” Providence Journal. -