Democratic Sentinel, Volume 5, Number 41, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 18 November 1881 — A Mistake. [ARTICLE]

A Mistake.

It happened in a rough mining town in Colorado. There was a grand ball at the ranch of Whisky Jack, a well-known charactor in the “diggings,” and the “ elite ” of the district responded to the call in full force. The party was held in a rickety old barn belonging to the host, and with a few red strips of flannel, a grotesque accumulation of mountain roses, and a row of dripping candles, the appointment of the place were perfect. My first partner in the giddy dance was the wife of the man who killed the village postmaster because he refused him a letter ; she was fat, fair and forty, and danced with the grace of a cow. My next partner was the daughter of this charming pair, a young girl just bursting into the loveliness of womanhood ; she was badly freck’ed, and sported a wart on her nose. My next partner was a blooming grass widow, a fresh arrival-; and then I rested. I began to comment on new faces in the room. My companion in this pleasant pastime was a heavy-bearded miner, uncouth, roughly dressed, tobacco slobbered, and very profane.. This was our first meeting, and I hoped it would be the last. “ There goes a hard looking case,” I whispered, as the wife of the man who hilled the postmaster sailed by. “ She’s a bad ’un. ” “ Yas,” replied the man, “I’d hate to have the critter step on me. What an elegant target she would make for a poor marksman !” “Yes,” I said, and turned my eyes on a tall, raw-boned creature sailing towards us supported by a little man with sandy whiskers and red-top boots. “ Here comes the boss.” “How ?” “ The boss, I say; ain’t she a lovely chimpanzee ?” “A what?” “ Chimpanzee!” He glared at me a moment and then reached for his revolver. “What is a chimpanzee ?” he growled fiercely, his red eyes growing large. I saw that I had made some mistake, and hastened to explain. “ Why—why,” I stammered, backing off, “ a chimpanzee is a lovely creature found in Africa—nothing so gorgeously beautiful as a chimpanzee. That is the highest compliment a lady can receive. ” “O !” and the man looked relieved. “ Yas, I think so, myself, stranger; she is a lovely champanzee; she’s my wife.”