Democratic Sentinel, Volume 5, Number 35, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 7 October 1881 — HUMORS OF THE DAY. [ARTICLE]

HUMORS OF THE DAY.

Was Eve’s first dress made of bearskin? U naturally look P Qliar if U R 0 D and going to D T£.r—BiU Nye. In some hats the cabbage leaf must feel perfectly at home. —Quincy Modern Argo. Inquire : The most horrible suicide on records is that of the man who took a drink of Chicago water. —Boston Post. My father was Irish, Mr mother was Irish, And I am Irish stew. Yonker’l Sfaietman. It was probably an Irish missionary who, when about to be masticated by the cannibals, originated that beautiful song: When you lose a needle on the floor, the quickest way to find it is to take off your shoes and walk about But somehow people don’t do that way. “Gesticulation,” says an eminent actor, “is fast becoming a lost art!” He* probably never saw Talmage fencing with an imaginary lobster. — Herald P. I An Albany paper tells of a woman in this city who woke her husband during a storm and said: “I do wish you would stop snoring, for I want to hear it thunder ! ” “Confound it I you’ve shot the dog ! I thought you told me you could hold a gun.” Pat.—“3hure, and so I can, your honor. It’s the shot, sor, I couldn’t hould I” A bad-tempered man: He had lost his knife and they asked him the usual question: “Do you know where you lost it?” “Yes, yes,” he replied, “of course I do. I’m merely hunting in these other places for it to kill time.” Not every man can tell from experience how it feels to be struck by lightning, but he can get some idea of it by going suddenly around a corner and meeting his mother-in-law while he is walking with a pretty girl. Boston Post.

A' Keokuk man succeeded in hugging his sweetheart to death. But he has no trouble in finding others. The girls seem rather anxious to take their chances on his hugging them to death. They don’t belive he can do it; would just like to see him try it. An Irish lady was so much on her guard against betraying her national accent that she is reported to have spoken of the “creature of Vesuvius,” fearing that the erater would betray her again. —Albany Journal. She finds her parallel in the Yankee who speaks of the pillows of a portico. When a corpulent citizen endeavors to jump off the dummy of one of our cable roads while on the down grade and falls on the track in the front of the wheels nothing gives him so much genuine satisfation as, just when he is about to be crushed to pulp, to wake up and find himself oh the floor beside his own bed. —San Francisco Post. How pestering little things will happen. A stranger in a Middlesex County village was looking for a man named Oncreck, and when he went up to a fellow and asked : “Are you Ondeck?” the fellow answered. “I reckom I am,” and the stranger tried to talk business to him and they got all mixed up in a misunderstanding and had to be parted by the bystanders before they got through. And it was all on account of that confounded name.— Boston Post. English social life presents many points of interests iu its slang. We have all probably read the anecdote of a young American lady in England (not a “fair Barbarian,” either) who, while playing crocket, exclaimed at a surprisingly fortunate shot of an opposing player : “Oh ! what a horrid scratch !” whereupon a young English lady remarked : “ You shouldn’t use such language, it’s slang !” “ Well, what should 1 say?” asked Miss America. “Oh! what a beastly fluke !” — Nero Orleans Times.