Democratic Sentinel, Volume 5, Number 33, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 23 September 1881 — A Double-Barreled Joke. [ARTICLE]

A Double-Barreled Joke.

At McGovern’s Baloon, the boys were putting up an elaborate practical joke on somebody and they asked old Captain Sjiiddy, who had just happened in, to take a hand. “No, gentlemen,” said that estimable old citizen, decisively; “you don’t catch me taking part in any practical jokes. I went out of that business for good over ten years ago.” , “How was that?” asked the group of beer exterminators. “Well, it was in the winter of 70, maybe 71. I was living at Davenport, lowa, and a man came around there giving balloon ascensions. One day it was advertised that the mayor of the town was going up with him. Now, the mayor was a big, fat man, who always wore a light suit of clothes and a white hat. This put me in the notion of working off a joke on the people. I got acquainted with the teionaut, and he agreed to assist in the scheme. We then got an old suit of light clothes, and fixed up a dummy, which we filled with sand, so that it weighed about 200, and would, thei*efore, drop straight and heavy like a man. The day of the ascension there were over 30,000 people on the ground, and the excitement was very great as there was a high wind blowing at the time. After the balloon got up about a mile, and maybe that far south of the town, they dropped the dummy over.” “Big sensation then, eh?” “ Well, I should say so. But that’s just where I lost my grip. While the crowd was shouting and going wild with horrQr, I just laid down on the ground, rolled over and laughed until I Was just sick. ” “Should think the crowd would have taken a tumble, too,” suggested the audience. “ But just wait. Of course, the crowd made a break out of town to scrape up the remains, and I rushed home to get my fishing tackle, for it struck me that the most healthy thing I could do would be to go fishing for a day or two. Before I left the house, however, 1 was arrested for murder. ” “ For murder ?” “Exactly. A lot of the boys, accompanied by the sheriff, rushed in and collared me. They claimed that the dummy had fallen on a farmer and driven his skull clear into the heels of his boots. They said that the ballonatic had turned state’s evidence, and the chances were I’d be hung by a mob before night.” “That was rough.” “Well, so I thought. I was just scared plum to death, and I begged the boys to stand by and protect me. I ponied up SSO for legal expenses, and they hid me in the garret of a neighbor’s house. They kept me there ten blessed days, and there wasn’t a day but they struck me for a twenty or two for contingencies. One night the whole gang came around full of beer—on rny money, mind you—and said that they had concluded, as additional precaution, tp hide me in the hollow of an old oak tree about three miles out in the woods. I saw through the whole business then, and drove ’em out with a club. It was a good, square case of the biter bit, I know, but they never let up calling mo ‘Dummy Skiddy ’ after that, until they actually run me out of town, and I had to emigrate to this jumping off place of creation,” and the captain shook his head with a disgusted air as he paid for his hot Scotch and walked out. — San Francisco Pont.