Democratic Sentinel, Volume 5, Number 22, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 8 July 1881 — A Plucky Bride. [ARTICLE]

A Plucky Bride.

Once upon a time a spinster lady lived in Airth who could count uh many golden guineas as ever “Tibby Fowler ” did. Beside this spinster lived a bachelor of somewhat parsimonious habiUipttnd passionately fond of the “yellow Geordies.” The two made it up and agreed to get married. Before the wedding, however, the man opened his mouth too wide, and boasted what he would do after he got possession of his wife’s tocher. A good-natured friend —there are always plenty about—conveyed this information to the bride, who opened her eyes and at once made up her mind how to proceed. When the minister came to perform the ceremony, and at the usual stage requested the couple to join hands, what was the astonishment of both clergyman and company to see the bride offer her pocket instead of her hand. Thinking there might be some mistake, they were again requested to join hands, but this, as well as a third request, met with the same pantomimic reply. The reverend gentleman was at last under the necessity of asking for an explanation, to which the bride at once replied : “It’s not me he wants, it’s the pouch. He can marry it if he likes, but he’ll never marry me.” Then she slowly curtseyed and left her astonished bridegroom in a state of complete bewilderment. Some of the spectators expressed themselves in words akin to those of the Glasgow bailie when he said : * “My conscience 1 but women are strange customers.” There was only one passenger on board the ship, and the Captain and mate contrived to get the most and best of what was on the table. One day there was a rollypoly pudding with the sweet-meats in the middle. “Do you like puddin’ ends, sir ?” asked the Captain. “No, I don’t like pudding ends, dr,” said the passenger. “ Well, me and my mate does,” said the Captain, cutting the pudding in two and putting one- half on the mate’s plate and the other on his own. And the two soon made an end of both. Do that which is assigned you, and you ciwnot hope mucj) or dare tpo