Democratic Sentinel, Volume 5, Number 20, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 24 June 1881 — Spoopendyke Starts a Fire. [ARTICLE]

Spoopendyke Starts a Fire.

“Mr. Spoopenkyke!” called Mrs. Spoopendyke from the head of the stairs the morning after the sardines had been disposed of. “ Mr. Spoopendyke!” she called again a shrill falsetto. The only answer from the bed was a loud snore. “ Mr. Spoop—-” “Well, holler again!” yelled Mr. Spoopendyke, springing up in bed. ‘ ‘ What ails you? Think I’m deaf in one ear and can’t hear out of the other? Think I—” “Why, no, my dear, but I thought you might be asleep. You know I called you twice before you answered. I don’t think you heard me.” “ Did hear you, too, but I thought it was a fish horn. All it would take to make a steam whistle of you would be a iocojUutive to put you on. Do you want anything?” “The fire in the furnace has gone' out,” said Mrs. S. “Oh, has it?” yelled Mr. S., and he dropped over and laid his nose against the wall. “What has it gone out for, to take a walk? Gone down to hear the news? Gone to Washington? S’pose I'm going to get up and start it this time of night?” ‘ ‘ But it’s six o’clock, and I have been up an hour.” Mr. Spoopendyke bounced out of bed, caught up his coat and tried to get his feet into the sleeves. Mrs. S. went down stairs to get the kindling. Presently Mr. S. came down and stalked to the woodshed. A few moments he called his wife to know whore she kept the saw. “ Why, where did you put it when you had it last ?” “Oh, I dug a hole in the garden and. buried it, then I planted cabbage over its grave. Don’t think I swallowed it, do you? Going to find that saw? Oh, you’ve got it, have you? Where did you find it? Here, give it to me,” and he grabbed it and sawed his fingers across the teeth to see how sharp it was. Every tooth left its mark. He dropped it on his toes with a yell of despair, and howled and danced around the room as if he had a small dog at his heels. “Did it hurt you, dear?” asked Mrs. S., sympathetically. “No, dod gast it, of course it didn’t hurt, I’m just dancing to keep warm, just trying to work off my spirits, you know. ” And with a terrible grin he grabbed his saw and started to file it. Just as the family were sitting down to breakfast, Mr. S. walked in with a basket of charcoal and his saw. “Come to breakfast,” said his wife, “I have started the fire.” “Why, have you, my dear? Where did you get the kindling ?” “I split up a board I found in the barn.” “The deuce you did, you’ll ruin me yet. Did you know that was black walnut and I paid a dollar for it? O, you ought to have been a business man. All it would take to make a Jay Gould of you would be a hatful of United States bonds and a few railroads. ” And Mr. S. helped himself to a plate of beefsteak, and let his victuals stop his mouth.