Democratic Sentinel, Volume 5, Number 20, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 24 June 1881 — The Grand Duke’s Tallow Candle. [ARTICLE]

The Grand Duke’s Tallow Candle.

From many amusing anecdotes of the Russian imperial family related in the late Karl Bender’s memoirs, is the following highly characteristic story of the eccentric Grand Duke Constantine, Czar Alexander’s eldest uncle. While residing at Warsaw, Constantine gave a splendid banquet to a number of the great Polish nobles, to each of whom, at the conclusion of the feast, an ordinary tallow candle was served on a plate by the attendant lacqueys. As soon as all his guests were supplied with these peculiarly unappetizing objects, the Grand Duke, who had given orders that an imitation candle, admirably executed in marchpane, should be placed upon his plate, rose from his seat and exclaimed : “Gentlemen, let us eat, to the honor of Russia, the favorite national comestible of my country. Look at me. This is the way to do it.” So saying, he threw back his head, opened his mouth wide, and inserted therein two inches or so of the dainty in question. As he closed his teeth, however, the expression of his countenance suffered an extraordinary exchange. One of the noblemen, sitting in his immediate vicinity, had contrived to substitute his own genuine tallow candle for the marchpane imitation set before the Grand Duke, who, not choosing to betray himself to his guests, found himself condemned to chew at least one copious mouthful of good Russian tallow as an example to all the victims of his detestable jest, none of whom dared to abstain doing as the terrible Constantine did. It is needless to say that the dexterous appropriates of the marchpane candle, while devouring that toothsome article with a joyful heart, baffled suspicion by the most hideous visual contortions expressive of loathing and nausea.

Matter-of-fact hair-dresser—“ How will you have it—short?” Customer—- “ Well, not as if I had just come out, you know. As if I had been out u fortnight.’’