Democratic Sentinel, Volume 5, Number 4, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 4 March 1881 — Theatrical Qualifications. [ARTICLE]

Theatrical Qualifications.

A candidate for the stage, early in the present century, applied to one of the proprietors of a London theater for an engagement. After he had exhibited specimens of his various talents the following dialogue took place between the manager and him : “Sir, you flutter.” “So did Mrs. Inchbald.” “ You are lame of a leg.” “ So was Foote.” “ But you are thick-legged.” “So is Jack Johnson.” “ You have an ugly face.” “ So has Liston.” “ You are very short.” “So was Garrick.” “Yousquint abominably.” “ So did Lewis.” “You are a most monotonous mannerist.” “So is Kemble..” “You are but a miserable copy of Kemble. ” “ So is Barrymore.” “ You have a perpetual whine.” “So has Pope.” “In comedy you are quite a buffoon.” “ So is Munden.” “ You sing as ill as you act.” “So does Kelly,” “But you have all these defects combined.” “So much the more singular.” [From the Galveston News.] Tiie Madison, (Wis.) Democrat, in endeavoring to treat the wounds received by the candidates for the Presidency, wisely prescribes St. Jacobs Oil. Of course we could not expect our worthy contemporary to do otherwise than recommend that famous Old German Remedy—which “heals all wounds but those of love ” and soothes all pains—save those of political disappointment.