Democratic Sentinel, Volume 5, Number 3, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 25 February 1881 — PLEASANT PARAGRAPHS. [ARTICLE]

PLEASANT PARAGRAPHS.

Boiler explosions are becoming so numerous that vaccination appears necessary to keep them from breaking out. —Philadelphia Chronicle-Herald. A Chicago restaurant keeper advertises “roast turkey and cram berry sans,” and yet a hungry man might go where they spell better and fare worse. —jVctc Orleans Picayune. “ Dost love met Tell me once again, My little pootsy toots!” With fore-lit eyes she sweet replies: “Dolt You bet your bootai” —Modern Argo. Th® Cleveland Herald has published some verses entitled: “Why do I sing?” and written by a young woman. It is grobably because her father paid five undred dollars to a music teacher for spoiling a good stocking darner. At an undertakers’ conference in New Yorkrecently, one undertaker complained that the sextons were getting “all the crehm of our business.” What for Heaven’s sake, is “the cream” of the undertakers’ business? In olden tinies, when people hoard Some swindler huge had coino to grief, They used a good old Saxon word. And called that man a “ thief." But language such as that to-day Upon too many feelings grates, So people smile and simply say, “ He— • rc-hypcthecates.’ ” Th® man who journeyed long to spit upon the grave of his enemy found that the said enemy was drowned in a lake and his body not recovered. There are lots of things in this world to make a man mad.— Detroit Prce Press. Th® Galveston News says a man in that city who had a mule for sale, hearing that a friend in Houston wanted to buy a mule, telegraphed to him: “ Dear Friend—ls you are looking for a No. 1 mule don’t forget me." An exuberant youth hails a supposed acquaintance with “Hello, Joo,” but, finding his mistake, adds: “O, excuse me; I thought you were another man !” Laconic stranger answers: “lam.”— Buffalo Express. No Adolphus, newspaper men do not have duplicates of the last straw that broke the camel’s back. They are useful, as you say, but new spaper men are so accustomed to d—k—g the other way, they don’t care a straw about them! A minister overtook a Quaker lady and politely assisted her in opening a gate. As she was a compartivo stranger in town, he said: “You don’t know, perhaps, that lam Mr. . Haven’t you heard me preach?” “I have heard you try,” was the quick rejoinder. “As for me,” says Mme. Z., whose husband is a member of the Assembly, •'I always do my shopping when the Senate is discussing the appropriation bills. Then, you see, my husband is accustomed to such large figures that my bills look small to him.”— French paper. This is the particular time of the year when the citizen is attacked with a severe case of economy, and immediately cuts off his entire list of newspapers. There is one paper he does not relinquish, however. It is his paper of tobacco.—llockland Courier. The man who works in a factory, his pay day comes once a month; but the man who works at ditching has his spado day oftener than that.— Marat Item Independent. Hoe! Hoe! Fork conscience sake shove ’long this pun, and don’t harrow up our feelings in tins way. A Yankee tobacco chcwer was in the habit of declaring about once a month that he would “never chew another piece," but broke his pledge as often as he made it. On one occasion, shortly after he had “broken off,” he was seen taking another chew, “ Why,” said his friend, “ you told me yon had given up that habit, but I see you are at it again.” “Yes,” he replied, “I have gone to chewing and left off lying.”