Democratic Sentinel, Volume 4, Number 45, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 17 December 1880 — He Couldn’t Help It. [ARTICLE]

He Couldn’t Help It.

Here is another case of a boy who couldn’t help it. A prominent and dignified citizen was loooking through the third-story window of a block on Jefferson avenue, which he had thoughts of renting, when the idea suddenly struck him to look into the alley in the rear. He raised the sash of a window and peered out upon ash boxes, coal scuttles and barrels of straw without number, and was about to close his observations when the sash came down with a thud and struck him behind the shoulders. In his fright he fell to his knees, and while the solid half of his body was all right the lighter was over the window sill. In addition to the weight of the sash auy movement of the body was accompanied by pain. The sash could not be reached with his hands freely enough to lift it, and it soon occurred to the prominent citizen that he ought to have help. He could not expect it from behind, for he was alone in the store, but as he looked down into the alley a boy came stumping along to find something worth lugging away. • “Hello, boy! hello!” called the citizen. “ Hello yourself !” cried the boy as he looked up. “Say, boy, come under the window here; I want to speak to you.” “ Not much, yer don’t,” chuckled the gamin. “You can’t drop no coal scuttles on my head. ” “ But I don’t mean to.” “ Mebbe not, but you’ve got a bad face on you for all that. When did you get out of the jug?” “Boy, I wau’t your help.” “So does your aunt ! Don’t get me to stand in with no such duffer as you are!” “I am caught in this window and want to get out. ” “So would I! Been prospecting for old junk, eh? You’ll get six months for that!”

“ If you’ll come up stairs and help me out I’ll give you a dollar !” “ A dollar J You can’t play no dollar store on me, old man ! If you make up another face like that at me I’ll hit you in the eye with this old lemon. 1 don’t look starched up, but I don’t let any man insult me all the same. ” “Don’t you know who I am?” softly asked the citizen. “ Naw, I don’t; but I’ll bet the perlece do! You’ve got one of the hardest mugs on you I ever saw, and I’ve a good mind to give you one just for luck ! Look out now.” He made as if he would throw, and the citizen dodged. This was such fun for the boy that he kept it up for three or four minutes, and the offer of $2 had no effect on him. Then he gathered six or eight old lemons and oranges together and said: “ I believe you are the boss hyena who knocked dad down at the caucus, and I’m going to drive your nose back exactly an inch!” “If you throw at me I’ll call the police !” exclaimed the citizen. “ The sooner ye call the sooner ye’ll be jugged ! Here’s to hit you square on the nose!” The opening of the back door of a store and the appearance of a man disconcerted the lad’s aim, and the lemon struck the citizen’s hat instead of his nose. His yells brought a climax, but the air was full of tropical fruit even as the boy dusted down the alley and turned a corner. The boy couldn’t help acting that way. He was born so. He wouldn’t have been a bit like a boy to run up stairs and released the man. He didn’t have a fair chance with his spoiled lemons, but boys soon get over disappointments. —Detroit Free Press.