Democratic Sentinel, Volume 4, Number 40, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 12 November 1880 — SLIGHTLY MIXED [ARTICLE]

SLIGHTLY MIXED

[San Frapjciscq Fgsf,] The following good joke, in which a worthy member of the bar, Judge F., figures, is worthy of space. It is a tale of Watts’ tract, a suburb of Oakland, of political meetings, of disgusted speakers, and enraged au diences. The political caldron of Watts’ tract had for weeks been boiling oyer. Meetings had beep

held nightly, and the best of local speakers bad tried to enlighten the intelligent people of the tract The success of democrats and republicans alike was so dubious that both parties, by a singulat coincidence, resolved to bold a grand mass-meet-ing, appointing the same evening, and both parties called on the state central committee in this city to sendfthem over an orator. The meetings wero set for Wednesday evening last At an early hour on that evening Judgu F„ who had consented to speak at the trao|, boarded a ferry steamer, as did also a noted republican orator. The judge had been cautioned by the democratic committee to draw it mild, as the republicans of the tiact were weakening, and if their party was not abused to much they could be won over. The repu oilcan orator had also been warned that the party over there needed bracing up, and that the democracy must be denounced in unmeasured terms. Watts’ tract was reached in due time, und the politicians separated, the republican to seek his party’s gathering and Judge F. to find the demount 1c wigwam. This was as he supposed, soon round. Tbs hall was blaming with lights, while in front bonfires glared, and a band of mnsic aided ip making night hideous. In walked Judge F., introduced himself as the speaker from the state central committee, and was in turn presented to the audience as the orator of the evening. After the applause had subsided. Judge F. cleared his voice and began. He spoke not to abusively of “the infamous course of the republicans,” and finally rounded a sentence with a grand peroration to the democracy. Theu he paused for breach and for applause. But oh amazement! Thtre was not the slightest expression of satisfaction —not a single cheer was heard. Instead, a dozen auditors arose, pulled up their coat collars, put on their hats and left. Again and again did the judge attempt to fire the hearts of those bs fore him, aud on each occasion did small groups get up and meander sadly and silently out of the hall. Finally with but a handfull of spectators before him, he closed the moat discourageing effort of hia life with a scathing denunciation of the republicans, and an appeal to all join the democracy. The effect of this, although magical, was far different expected. Up rose the remnant of the audience and swarmed upon the platform with indignant faces, while the chairman, with ill-concealed eon tempt and in sneering tones, demanded of the speaker if he nad ever spoken in San Francisco ? “Oh, yes, very often,” was the resconce of the wandering jndge. “Why do you ask?” “And have you expressed the same opinions fflven this evening? ’ “Yes, sir,” again responded the orater. “And were they well received?“ “Always; but look here, what’s the meaning of this?” demanded the now indignant Judge. “Meaning! Ths meaning Is that, In the opinions of us republicans, you republicans over the bay have got the politics that we ever heard of!” “Me a republican!” fairly yelled the judge ; and realizing for the first time that he had made a mistake, and had been addressing a republican gathering, the eloquent orator seized his hat. and, without waiting to explain matters, made for the depot. Here the irate and fuming orator again encountered his republican friend, but oh, what a contrast the figure before him—which looked as if it hail been run through a qnartz mill—present to the gentlemanly looking orator of an hour before! His story was a pitiful one. “You see, judge/ said he, “when I left you I found my way to what I supposed was a republican meeting. I was introduced and mounted the platform’ and opened up by pouring a broadside into the unterrifled democraay and the solid south. I did not notice signs of the gathering storm in the faces before me, or I might have saved myself. When I finisned my opening burst of elobuenee a shofit arose from a hundred then thera was a rush for the platform, and I was seized by a dozen men, the window was thrown up, and I felt myself shot out into the air, and knew nothing more until I came to in the branches of a tall oak, Into which I had miraculously fallen. Talk about the turbulent democracy and the quarrelsome workingman ; all I have to sav is this, judge, that them watts tract republicans beat them all.” The jupge softly smiled, winked to himself, and then hypocritically offered coudolence, but very wisely kept his counsel.