Democratic Sentinel, Volume 4, Number 36, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 15 October 1880 — GOSSIP FOB THE LADIES. [ARTICLE]

GOSSIP FOB THE LADIES.

Uonien All at Sea. There is 110 subject on which women are more helplessly afloat than on matters relating to marine architecture. Such knowledge don’t stick in her brain. The Captain who attempted teaching uauticalism to a party of ladies on a yackt, not long since, fared as follows : Lady No. I—Now,' Captain, yjhat is a sloop ? Captain—-A sloop has but one mast. L. (painting to a schooner) —Is that: a sloop ? C.—No, that is a schooner. A sloop has but one mast, a schooner has two, as you see. Now remember, sloop onemast, schooner two. L.—Certainly. How many masts has a ship ? C.— Three. L.—How many masts did you say a sloop had ? ' C. —One. Sloop one mast, sehoonier two, ship three. L. (pointing to a sloop)—Is that a, schooner ? C.—No; that’s a sloop. Sloop one mast, schooner two, ship three. L.—O, yes, I remember. (Pointing to a ship.) Isn’t that a pretty schooner? C. —That’s not a schooner. That’s a sJiip. Don’t you see it has three masts? L. —O, yes. Isn’t that a big schoonerlying at the wharf there ? C. Schooner ? Now,, how many masts has that vessel ?" L. —Three. C. —Well, what has three masts? . L.—A—a sloop. C.—Sloop ! Sloop has one mast, I tell you ; schooner two, ship three. Lady No. 2.—Why, Jane, how stupid you are. A schooner always has one mast. L. (chatty and quite oblivious of stupidity)—What is a brig ? O.—A brig has two masts, and is rigged like a ship with square sails. Lady No. 2. —Jane look at this sloop coming along. C.—That’s a schooner ; don’t you see the two masts ? Sloop one mast, schooner two masts, ship throe masts. L.—Are those schooners there with three masts ? C.—Yes. L.—l thought you said a schooner had but one mast ? C.—Two ! two masts! Sloop one mast, schooner two, ship three., L. But that schooner has three masts. C.—Well, it is a three-masted schooner. L.—Then a schooner can have any number of masts ? C.—-No. Sloop one mast, schooner two and sometimes three masts, ship three masts. L.—l’m sure I can’t make it out. It’s awfully puzzling. What is a bark ? C. (unable any longer to popularize nautical science, falls back on technical expression)—Vessel with two masts shiprigged and one mast sloop-rigged, square sails on fore and mainmast, and fore and aft sails on the mizzen. L.—Mizzen ! What’s mizzen ? C. —Last mast aft, madam. L.—Aft! What’s the aft ? C.—The stern, madam. L.—Oh, I’m sure I can’t make it out. Is that a sloop there ? (pointing again to a schooner). C.—No ! It’s a schooner? Sloop one mast, schooner two, ship three. L.—How many masts has a man-o’-war ? C.—Three. L.—Weil, what’s the difference between a man-o’-war and a smack? C.—(Groans and is silent.) L.—What are those sticks across the masts of that schooner, Captain ? C. —That’s not a schooner. Schooner two masts, ship three, sloop one. That’s a ship. Those arc the yards which hold the sails. D. Oh !

C.—(encouraged)—Now, the first yard on the foremast is the fore yard, the second is the fore-topsail yard, the third is the fore-gallant yard. , L.—What is that yard sticking straight up out of that little schooner. 0. —Great Scott! that’s not a schooner.’ It s a sloop. Sloop one mast, schooner two. ship three. What you call her yard is her mast. Lady No. 2—Certainly, Jane, how stupid you are. Captain, what are the names of the other masts on that schooner’s yards you were pointing out to us ? C. (Internally)—■■ — £ Lady No. 2—Captain, where are the lubbers ? 0.- (Captain wishes he could tell) — Up there on the ship’s masts near the tops. L. (Looking attentively at a schooner) —Near the top of the masts of that sloop ? C.—No, no ! Further down. Where the futtock shrouds are fastened. No. no, not that vessel. A schooner has do lubbers (mentally), except this one, and they’re on deck. L. (Whose interest in the locality of lubbers suddenly ceases)—lsn’t that a pretty ship sailing along ? C.—Shi)) 1 That’s an bld tub of a schooner, ma’am. Schoohcr'two.masts, ship three, sloop one, I tell you. " ’ L.—Can a sloop have two C.—Sloop one mast, ship three. > - , Lady No. 2—How mapy mafets has a ship, Captain ? : C.—Ship three masts, ; schooner two* sloop one. . . . ■ .•■*'’» * L.—Yes, I know* now. ■■ Scheer ond —no, two masts, sloop twou-no* three,ship one. There !—Wew Popping the Question in Tyrol. Tyrolean maiden sprite by old custom spared the necessity’-bt'-giving tongue to their “Aye ”or “No.” The first time a young man pays a visit as an avowed suitor ho brings with him a bottle of wine, of which foe pours out a glass amj

P it to the object of his affections. Jfi any case she'will not refuse it point blank—that would be too gross an insult; but, should the wooer not be agreeable rf to her, or his declaration come a little too prematurely, she declines the proffered wine, pleading that it looks saur, or that wine dfeag+ees with her, or any other excuse theuemihine ingenuity may suggest. If she likes the lad and is equal to owning it, she empties the glass, taking care not to spill any of the wine, for, if she does, or the glass or bottle be broken; it is an unhappy omen. “ They have’ spilt the wine between them,” say the peasants when a marriage turns out badly. The Science of Cookery* Ruskin thus discourses on cookery: What does ‘ ‘ cookery ’’ mean ? It means the knowledge of Media, and of Circe, and of Calypso, and of Helen, and of Rebekah, and of the Queen of Sheba. It means knowledge of all herbs and fruits, and balms and spices ; and of all .that is healing sand sweet in fields and proves, and savory in meal ; it means carefulness and inventiveness, watchfulness, •willingness and readiness of appliances ; it means the economy of your great-grandmothers, and the science of modern chemist#; it means much tast.iug and no wasting; it means English thoroughness, and French art, and Arabian hospitality ; it means, in fine, that you are to be perfectly and always “ ladies/’ “loaf-givers and, as you are to sjje, imperatively, that. everybody lias 8 some tiling pretty to put on—so that you .are to see,» yet more imperatively, that everybody has something nice to eat. Traveling' Etiquette. The fashionable girl now lays her head on the shoulder of her male companion when traveling, according to a Cincinnati Enquirer writer, who says : “ The nicest girls do it, and they are so demure, so innocent, so unconscious in their manner that nobody could deem the practice harmful. They have the unconcerned air of using a pillow. This would have been reprehensible a year ago; now fashion and mothers permit it> But the man must not so far forget himself as to slyly hug the girl. If he does, she pops bolt upright, and will lean to him no more forever. That is new but approved etiquette.”

Supremacy of lite Dressmaker. Mrs. Julia Ward Howe, in her lecture on -“Modern Society,” strongly portrays the!, supremacy of the dressmaker of today;. “The fashionable women say to her: ‘Do how you will with me. Make me.modest or immodest. Tie up my feet 01; straighten my arms till' the use of tltem becomes impossible. Deprive my figure of all the drapery, dt upholster it like' a window frame. Nay, set me in the middle of a movable tent, but array me so people shall look at me and say I look well. ’ ” [From t|c Detroit Western Ilonip Journal.] 'St Jacobs Oil, is an excellent medicine. Have used it in our household with great benefit,,; . A Suggestive Legend. There is; a terrible legend of CrimTWtary concerning a very massive and idlppsing edifice, which is also very ancjgnt. It iS so vast and impressive that travelers arp profoundly affected, especially those who come from countries where a certain number of persons are anrfttaily destroyed by burning theaters and falling buildings. One such traveler was gazing with admiration upon the edifice, in company with his majesty, the king of the country, and he could not restrain himself from saying: “O king, what is the secret of the wonderful strength of this building, that it has neither tumbled down nor been burned up.” But his majesty, the king of the country was coy, and forebore to answer. Being pressed more closely, however, at length he answered-: “O stranger, its strength is a secret of the state.” The stranger was not dismayed, and, after much entreaty, his pertinacity overcame the reluctance of the king, who finally said with solemnity: “O stranger, when my ancestor began to build this temple it was laid upon insecure foundations. Thereupon he sent for another builder, and said to him: ‘The present corner-stone will be raised, and the present builder placed under it alive, and upon the stone laid upon the body you will proceed to erect the wall. Should it be weak or insufficient it will be taken down; the corner-stone again raised, you will be placed under it alive, the stone will be again laid, and the building proceed once more.’ My ancestor said nothing further; and you now know, O stranger, the secret of these massive walls, and why this building does not tumble down. ” The stranger, says the Crim-Tartar legend, went his way much meditating the marvelous government which was able to prevent flimsy building.—Harper's Magazine. Prevention excels cure every time. Always keep Dr. Bull’s Cough Syrup convenient; take it in time and you will be free from Coughs, Colds, etc. Sold everywhere. Price 25 cents a bottle. Not less than half a ton of gold is every year, by dentists of the United States, packed into the cracks, fissures, crevices, and cavities of the mouths of those of God’s humanity, whose molars, cuspids and bicuspids are not exactly sound. In about one thousand years from now somebody will be patenting all the big graveyards in the country for placer digging, or with a sharp horseshoe nail prodding around to pry the plugging out of the teeth filled with gold filling, even as eipicacs now go for cigars with Havana filling.