Democratic Sentinel, Volume 4, Number 19, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 18 June 1880 — ADVICE TO LADIES [ARTICLE]

ADVICE TO LADIES

Who are Compelled to Travel Alone in the Car*. I. Be sure yota know where you want to go before you get on the train. 11. When you purchase your ticket you will have to pay for it; no use to tell the ticket agent to “charge it and send the bill to your husband. ” And if he says the price of the ticket is $2 96, don’t tell him you can get one just like it of the conductor at the other store for $2 50; he won’t believe you, and he may laugh at you. 111. Never travel without money. It requires broad views, liberal education, keen discernment and profound judgment to travel without money. No one c(in do this successfully but tramps and editors. IV. Beware of the commercial traveler. V. Don’t give a stranger your ticket and ask him to go out and check your trunk. He will usually be only too glad to do it. And what is more, he will do it, and your trunk will be so effectually checked that it will never catch up with you again. And then w hen the conductor asks for your ticket and you relate to him the pleasing little allegory about the stranger and your baggage, he will look incredulous and smile down upon you from half closed eyes, and say that it is a beautiful romance; but he has heard it before. And then you will put up your jewelry or disembark at the next station. VI. If you are going three hundred miles, don’t try to get off the train every fifteen minutes under the impression that you are there. If you get there in twelve hours you will be doing excellently. VII. Call the brakeman “conductor;” he has grown proud since he got his new uniform, and it will flatter him. VIII. Put your shawl-strap, bundle and two paper parcels in the hat-rack; hang your bird-cage to the comer of it, so that when it falls off it will drop into the lap of the old gentleman sitting behind you; stand your four houseplants on the window-sill; set your lunch-basket on the seat beside you; fold your shawls on top of it; carry your pocket-book in one hand and hol'd your silver mug in the other; put your two valises under the seat and hold your bandbox and the rest of your things in your lap. Then you will have all your baggage handy, and won’t be worried or fiustrated about it when you have only twenty-nine seconds in which to change cars. IX. Address the conductor every ten minutes. It pleases him to have you notice him. If you can’t think of any new question to ask him, ask him the same old c one everytime. Always call him “Say,” or “Mister.” X. Pick up all the information you can while traveling. Open the window and look forward to see how fast the engine is going. Then when you get home you can tell the children about the bigcinder you picked up with your eye, and how nice and warm it was, and what it tasted like. XI. Don’t hang your parasol on the cord that passes down the middle of the car. It isn’t a clothes-line. It looks like one, but it isn’t. XII. Keep an eye on the passenger who calls the day after Monday “ Chewsday.” He can’t be trusted a car’s length. XIII. Do not attempt to change a S2O bill for any one, if you have only $6 25 with you; it can’t be done. XIV. If you want a nap always lie with your head projecting over the seat, into the aisle. Then everybody who goes up or down the aisle will mash your hat, straighten out your frizzes,' and knock off your back hail’. This will keep you from sleeping so soundly that you will be earned by your station. —Burdette,, in Burlington Hawkeye.